July 29th
Rich and I went to church today at the Arcadia Foothill building so we could hear the daughters of our friends give farewell talks. One of the girls, Lauren, is going to BYU and her older sister, Cammie, is leaving to serve a mission in South Carolina. I used to tell Rich there was no way I could every be apart from one of our girls for 18 months while they served a mission. How could I go through my day without hearing their voice or being hugged by my girls? In fact, until we went to temple and were sealed to our daughters for time and all eternity, I would experience ocassional panic attacks. Knowing that we were sealed together forever took away those terrifying moments. Now my little girl is off serving a mission. Not in the Carolina's somewhere or in some foreign country where a second language is necessary to communicate, but she is serving a mission on the other side of the veil for her heavenly father. Having watched the reactions of friends and family to Amanda's passing and the Choose The Right message that was shared during her service being carried forward, I am certain that Amanda has impacted and changed many lives for the good. Still... I selfishly wish our separation was only to be for a short 18 months, and when she has finished her mission she will return to earthly home for us to raise her.
People keep asking me how I'm doing. My typical response to that question BEFORE Amanda's death would have been "good" or "great", but now all I can think of is "I'm hanging in". The truth is most of the time I do feel good because of the comfort the Lord and Amanda have been sending. Sometimes I actually feel guilty for not grieving more. I can hold it all together most of the time because I find myself taking each breath, each minute, each moment, each hour, each day, and each night as they come. I can manage if I keep living in the now. It's those desperate glances towards the future that throw me off... moments when the reality of not seeing my little girl until the next phase of our lives that sends my heart racing in panic and desperation. I ache so much from the loss of her physical being next to mine. Tonight as I made preparations for our Sunday night family dinner with our girls and their boyfriends, I felt that now familiar and unwanted panic creeping up on me, stealing away my strength. I kept thinking, "this dinner table should be set for 7 people(or 8 if Amanda's boyfriend also came), not six. We should be fighting over who has to sit in the oddball chair." There is an awkwardness about my life now. Hovering on the border of who I was before July 11th, who I am now, and who I am to become. As I sink in to this new life without one of my greatest lifes blessings, I find myself wondering where this new journey will take me. Will I make her proud of how I respond to this new way of living... without her?
Eventually, I know that people will move on with their lives. The condolence cards will stop coming. Her friends won't forget her, but they will have days when she isn't the first and last thing they think about. They will have nights when they dont feel the need to cry themselves to sleep. They will find joy and laughter in the simple beauty of life and live as though she were living through them. Will those days come for our family too? As much as I want to always remember her, I don't want it to always hurt to remember.
Amanda is serving a new mission now. One I know she didn't plan on serving for many, many years. Life is what it is though. There is no magic spell, wand, or fairy dust to change the outcome or our new circumstances. When people ask me how many daughters I have, I will always say "THREE!" with love and pride in my heart. Two that are with us, and one that is serving a mission for the Lord.
July 30, 2012
July 28, 2012
Amanda's Memorial Service 7-18-2012
We have been asked by many if we could share the comments given at Amanda's memorial service for those that weren't able to attend and those that just want to remember the beautiful spirit that was felt there. We are fortunate that a dear friend made a voice recording of her service so I have transcribed it here and will eventually get that transferred here as well.
As always, we appreciate your support. Thank you for loving us through our loss. We are overwhelmed with the outpouring of love from the over 1000 people that attended her memorial service and that continue to be part of our lives. May you remember Amanda for the beauty she shared. How she loved and was loved by all. Remember her message... Live wisely. Love deeply. Laugh often. Cherish life and always, always... Choose the Right.
Amanda Andrews - Eulogy Given by Walter Steimle
As a friend I also search my heart and think what could I have done to make a difference to change the circumstances? I realize accidents can happen, things don’t go as we expect. Yet we here may still agonize over the question, “what if?” For me relief from that agonizing question has come through Jesus Christ who suffered all things that we might not suffer. And I trust the same is true for Amanda Andrews.
We just sang “Each Life That touches Ours for Good” which was chosen by Amanda’s family, let me pick out some lines that particularly apply to Mandy.
Now Mandy was a people person and she was a loyal and devoted friend. She loved the local Fiesta Carnival, just don’t eat before the rides she warned. She loved the Monrovia street fair with friends. She didn’t just love fries, she loved smiley face fries shared with friends, and chili fries too. She loved food, which was hard for me to believe as petite as she was. She was known to call her Mom even when she was working in Georgia when she was hungry. Flaming hot Cheetos, dirt cups, In-n-out, cup of noodles were standard fare. She liked people to put coins in the soda vending machine in her garage because she could keep the money. She loved to take pictures and she had an eye for beauty in this world. She was a mediator, a peacemaker who often seemed to end up in trouble herself. So often she was there to make people smile, because she cared and was devoted just like Spike and Walnut. Often I only saw the stoic side of her, the tough side, not a lot of emotion. But she was her parents girl and carried some of their best traits inside her. One of those traits was setting people straight when they went wrong. She wanted to always set things right. She was a hard worker and a good little business woman. She didn’t mess around when it came to business. But the business of going to school was not really her thing. She didn’t like school though I suppose friends made it somewhat bearable. She liked being 10 minutes late to first period because then everyone had a friendly hello for her. Of course being late for school wasn't quite the same as being late for early morning seminary, which wasn’t nearly as nice as skipping it all together and the same went for early Sunday church. That is something she’ll probably have to work on in the next life where she is now – but she will have Walnut’s help.
So for many of you that have known Amanda well, and for the many who now know her a little better now; what will be her legacy, what difference will this all make? I think that if she were here she would say Be Smarter, CTR – Choose the Right and don’t make the same mistake I did. She might also say be beautiful, be a friend, eat more smiley face fries, hug Spike for me, and give me a hug. In return you can be sure she would give you a hug, and if you are lucky a cheek squeeze. So be smart. C.T.R - Choose the Right so that someday many years hence in the next life she will thank you for letting her make a difference for the better in your life. I testify that Amanda Andrews lives and not just in our hearts. But she lives. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Father's Comments: by Richard Andrews
Good morning brothers and sisters. My family and I are humbled at the turn out today. We are humbled by the kind words, the support and loving arms from those who have expressed their condolences to us. I am humbled by those of you who have traveled far from the East coast, central plains, and southern states. That is the impact that Amanda had on your lives. When we delivered the news to friends, there was no hesitation from friends that lived far who came.
As a father helping raising three girls it is my duty to lay the spiritual foundation in our home that will carry our children throughout their lives. Success is only known as our children mature into adults and start making their own life choices. Shortly after Amanda's passing I struggled with the question. Had we done enough? Had I given her the spiritual armor she needed, not only to get her through this mortal existence, but to get her through the next? The question gnawed at me and I resided to, at least under this life time, that I may never know the answer. A day after her passing my wife and I got the answer. We were surprised to find that Amanda had started a blog last year. Although she only had only a few entries, one stood out and gave us some spiritual insight on Mandy.
As her family and friends know all to well, Amanda was never known for keeping her room clean. As parents, we choose our battles wisely but when the mess would make its way out from her room to the dinning room, to the kitchen, hallway, living room and... well you get the point. I would come home and call out, "Amanda Kellie Andrews!" Mandy would stomp out of her room exclaiming, "Why are you calling me that name!?" "Well that's your name." "No!" She would exclaim, "That's my angry name. You only call me that when I've done something wrong!" "Well Mandy the house is a mess." "Have i done something wrong?" No, I would say." "Well then you need to find something else to call me when you want me to clean up." We would stand there staring at each other until one of us laughed. Then I would ask, "Mandy, can you please pick up your stuff?" She replied "sure." and then promptly turn around walk back into her room and shut the door. She eventually cleaned up, but she would do it on her own terms.
I would like to direct these next few comments to Amanda's friends and the multitude of youth who knew her, knew of her and have come here to pay their respects. Amanda did not wake up last Wednesday with the intent on ending up here today. What happened to Amanda that dreadful afternoon was that in a split second a choice was made. The consequence of that choice were unintended and permanent. I know I may not look like it but at one time I was your age. I thought I was invincible, I looked at myself as Superman. Some of you may still see the resemblance. I remember a time shortly after the 210 fwy was completed, I was racing my friend on that near empty freeway from Covina to Tommie's burgers in Eagle Rock. At over 120 mph my friend starts to lose control of his vehicle. Luckily, he was able to regain Control and we safely made it to Tommie's. But I was struck by the reality of what nearly happened. A foolish choice made on that freeway almost led to some very dire consequences. I can go on with a myriad of these situations that both myself and other have experienced with some having tragic results. You are not super human. These vessels we call bodies are very fragile. You must protect them and keep them clean. If you were truly a friend of Amanda's you will honor her memory not by dwelling on this tragic incident, but by the example of her kind and indiscriminate nature. No matter what your social circumstance, ethnicity, or popularity, Amanda was your friend. She was a defender of those who were picked on or bullied and she often got in trouble for stepping in the middle of a fight and trying to diffuse it. Those were the school suspensions we were most proud of. Be a friend to everyone, defend those that cannot defend themselves. Be kind. Find a way to make someone else smile. I feel all of us are better people for having had the privilege to know her. As parents we are honored to have been given the opportunity to raise one of Heavenly Father's most choice daughters. We will struggle to fill the chasm in our hearts created when she left us. But we know that we can turn to our father in heaven to help ease some of that burden. When Amanda was a baby we would sing her a church hymn called "Come, Come, Ye Saints". Written by William Clayton in 1846 and this hymn was regarded as a 19th century anthem to Mormon pioneers and often sung by the saints on their journey west along the Mormon trail.
Song: Come, Come Ye Saints
I'm grateful to be here and the opportunity to speak to you today at this memorial service for Mandy Andrews. I'm grateful for your presence. Your presence here today is a wonderful expression of love to Mandy and her family. I'm grateful for the spirit that's, or Rich's words and everything that has been said. I pray that the spirit will be with us for a moment that I may provide a little direction and give some comfort for those of us who may be experiencing some questions about this life and the ever after.
Allow me to start from the beginning... God is the father of our spirits. We are literally His children and he loved us. We lived with our father in heaven before we were born on this earth. We were not like our Heavenly Father, nor could we become like Him without the experience of living in mortality with a physical body. God's whole purpose, his work and his glory, is to enable each of us to enjoy all of his blessings. He provided a perfect plan to accomplish this purpose. In the scriptures, God's plan is called "The Merciful Plan", "The Plan of Happiness", "The Plan of Redemption", and the "Plan of Salvation". The essence of the plan was that man would have to opportunity of working out his own salvation with God's help. In Job, it says that when we heard about this plan, we were so excited that we "shouted for joy". All of God's children who have lived, who are currently living, and will yet live on earth choose to follow this plan in our pre-mortal state. Jesus Christ is central to God's plan. Through his atonement, Jesus Christ fulfilled his fathers plan made it possible for each of us to enjoy immortality. He wants every one of his children to find peace in this life and a fullness of joy in his presence after this life. He wants us to become more like him.
Under the direction of the Father, Jesus Christ created the earth as place for us to live and gain experience. In order to progress and become like God, each of us had to obtain a body and be tested during a time of probation on earth. While we are here on earth, we are out of God's presence. We do not remember our pre-earth life. We must walk by faith, rather than by sight. The triumph of Jesus Christ over spiritual death by his suffering and over his physical death by his resurrection, is called The Atonement. Christ promises to forgive our sins on the condition that we accept him by exercising faith in him, repenting, receiving baptism by immersion and the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost, and striving faithfully to keep his commandments. Through continuing repentance, we may obtain forgiveness and be cleansed of our sins by the power of the Holy Ghost. We are relieved of our guilt and shame and through Jesus Christ we become worthy to return to the presence of God. As we rely on the atonement of Jesus Christ, he can help us endure our trials, our sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ. And then our spirit leaves our body and goes to the spirit world, a place of preparation, learning, and resting from care and sorrow. Alma the prophet said, "Now, concerning the astate of the soul between bdeath and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are ctaken dhome to that God who gave them life."
The spirit world is a wonderful place where you will be reunited with your family members who have passed away. As it has been said, Mandy is probably playing with Walnut now. I'm just wondering if he can say, "I love you" just a little better now or if he says it just the same. Her personality is the same. She still has her favorite colors, she still has her favorite songs, she still has that wonderful smile. In the spirit world, the gospel is preached to those who did not fully understand the gospel or did not have the opportunity to hear it while here on earth. We our bodies and spirits are reunited in the resurrection we will be brought back to each other. When it is our time to stand before God, we do not stand alone. Can you imagine being all alone before God and pleading our case? Luckily we are appointed an advocate to stand with us. That advocate is Jesus Christ. The Savior pleads our case for mercy. He is the champion of our cause as no other can be.
I'm going to read a little about the words of Christ as he was recorded, about the way and words he used when he pleads our case. The Savior pleads for the spiritual lives of his spiritual children. Not because of their own worthiness, but because of the Savior's sacrifice, they will be spared. This is the Son's plea to the Father as recorded in the Doctrine and Covenants:
As a result of the Saviors Atonement an advocacy, at the judgement day, when the eternal fate of all hangs in the balance, the Savior will stand "betwixt them and justice"(Mosiah 15:9). He will make the "intercession for the children of men" (Mosiah 15:8) He will plead the perfect balance between mercy and justice. He will be Mandy's advocate. He will be our advocate and our hope and salvation.
It is my testimony that Jesus is our personal savior and that through him we can find hope, joy, and peace. Christ himself said, "Peace I leave with you. My peace I give unto you. Not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled. Neither let it be afraid."
It is my prayer that we might be able to find this peace. Today and every day. I look forward to the time that we can all give Mandy a hug. And I leave this with you in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Closing Remarks - Given by Bishop James Stevenson
Brothers and sisters we have been taught the gospel here today through music and word. In closing, I would like to share with you, I've been asked by the family to read a poem written by Amanda's mother. It's entitled "Carry On, Carry On" - They gave it to me because they thought I could be emotional.
I can’t tell you how much I miss your laughter
And those teasing names that said you loved me too
You bugged me so much about cutting my hair
So it is short again just for you
I know I yelled because you would take my clothes,
But if you were here now they would all be yours
I would give up anything... Do anything
To have you here with me once more
Don’t cry Lauren,
I am not gone
Carry on sister,
Carry on, carry on
When you were little I carried you every where
Until it drove you nuts and you'd push me away
The older we got the closer we became
I loved it when you would ask me to come stay
Remember how we wrote funny poems back and forth
And you said I smelled like moldy afghan goat cheese?
You always had the best sense of humor
Won't you come back to me please?
Don’t cry Breanna,
I am not gone
Carry on sister,
Carry on, carry on
Your friends and other family have been here sharing their memories with us
Eating smiley face fries on the roof in the sun
Jamming to your favorite "gangster" music each day
Going to the trail for a walk or run
Sleepovers and pillow fights, make-up, clothes, and boys
They share treasured secrets that bring us comfort and joy
Teachers and friends you haven't seen for awhile
Have all sent the most beautiful comments about you
You touched so many, many lives for good
We know you will live on in everything they do
Don’t cry loved ones,
I am not gone
Carry on friends,
Carry on, carry on
I've been so blessed to be your father
To have the Lord trust me with your care
I'll always cherish our road trips with the Judd's and Dean
Your cuddle chambers, chili fries requests, and bedtime prayers
Now when I think of you, I smile
Though my heart is aching from the pain
I go on because I know you would want me to
But living without you just isn’t the same
Desperately clinging to every memory of you
I think of how you touched our lives in so many ways
You visit me in my dreams at night
But I can never make you stay
Don’t cry daddy,
I am not gone
Carry on daddy,
Carry on, carry on
I sit in your empty room at night
Dreaming dreams that will never be.
Surrounded by all the things you loved,
For they bring you nearer to me.
I hug your pillow close to my heart,
Just a hint of perfume lingers from your shampoo.
I remember all the time we spent cuddling together.
Oh sweet girl, I will always love you.
I long for those precious moments again,
Yes, I know I’ll have them back in time
Until then I have my beautiful memories of you
And your skinny hugging arms wrapped around mine.
Don’t cry momma,
I am not gone
Carry on momma,
Carry on, carry on
I sit here by Heavenly Father’s side
Rubbing my hands through Walnuts soft fur
Jesus said He will watch over you now
And send you the spirit as a comforter
The angels sing me "Come, Come Ye Saints"
When I want to feel you near
And when you say your prayers at night
They always let me hear
So don’t cry family,
I am not gone
Carry on family,
Carry on, Carry on
As always, we appreciate your support. Thank you for loving us through our loss. We are overwhelmed with the outpouring of love from the over 1000 people that attended her memorial service and that continue to be part of our lives. May you remember Amanda for the beauty she shared. How she loved and was loved by all. Remember her message... Live wisely. Love deeply. Laugh often. Cherish life and always, always... Choose the Right.
Amanda Andrews - Eulogy Given by Walter Steimle
As a friend I also search my heart and think what could I have done to make a difference to change the circumstances? I realize accidents can happen, things don’t go as we expect. Yet we here may still agonize over the question, “what if?” For me relief from that agonizing question has come through Jesus Christ who suffered all things that we might not suffer. And I trust the same is true for Amanda Andrews.
We just sang “Each Life That touches Ours for Good” which was chosen by Amanda’s family, let me pick out some lines that particularly apply to Mandy.
“Each life that touches ours for good…Amanda Kellie Andrews was known by many names, Mandy, Stinkerbell, Amanda Panda, Mandykins, and Amanda McGregor. Knowing Mandy, I like the name Jesus Christ used for a young girl such as her – damsel. But what we do know about Amanda was that she was born a princess, lived as a princess, and died a princess returning to her Heavenly Father, the king. So who would have greeted the return of this princess, Grandma’s and Grandpa’s have preceded her into the next life and perhaps were there as family; but one of her most beloved caregivers was Walnut, her Anatolian shepard. Walnut the family pooch watched over her and loved her until the day he died. She knew he loved her not only because of what he did, but he said so – he was somewhat famous for saying “ wi wuv wu.” He did that truly. And Mandy loved animals in return. Spike, her little Chihuahua misses her terribly. He always slept with her in bed hugged to the point of almost being unable to breath at times. The thought was that if Mandy did not end up as a border agent or some security law enforcement, she would be a veterinarian Her love of animals extended to all kinds except black widow spiders and mice. Black widows and mice were banned, but all other insects and creatures were to be cared for. Of course some of those creatures right up there with Spike and Walnut were her family and friends. Mandy was the “glue” in her family. She tied Rich and his daughter Breanna to Kristen and her daughter Lauren in a way no other could for she was a blood sister and daughter to all. One thing I didn’t need to be told is that Amanda was a Daddy’s girl though more so of late she worked her magic on her mother, because Rich isn’t the fan of clothes shopping that Kristen is. And Amanda being the fashionista that she was, was a great help to Mom and sister alike in avoiding fashion disasters. Sophie, Amanda’s friend said that Amanda could take Sophie’s old cast off’s and make them look better on her then Sophie could with the new stuff. This is the kind of sister you love to have around and I’ve heard Amanda, Lauren, and Breanna have been compared to the Kardashians though I can’t imagine the famous trio has the true love for each other this trio of ours has. As I think about it, I think she had many more than two sisters. She loved her two sisters. They fought like sisters, they loved like sisters.She looked up to her sisters. And she had more than one mom and dad. Dean was a second father and Mandy Judd was a second mother and I'm sure there are many others out there who consider her as a daughter or a sister.
What greater gift doest thou bestow, what greater goodness can we know
Than Christ-like friends, whose gentle ways... Strengthen our faith, enrich our days
When such a friend from us departs, we hold forever in our hearts
A sweet and hallowed memory, Bringing us nearer, Lord to thee.
Now Mandy was a people person and she was a loyal and devoted friend. She loved the local Fiesta Carnival, just don’t eat before the rides she warned. She loved the Monrovia street fair with friends. She didn’t just love fries, she loved smiley face fries shared with friends, and chili fries too. She loved food, which was hard for me to believe as petite as she was. She was known to call her Mom even when she was working in Georgia when she was hungry. Flaming hot Cheetos, dirt cups, In-n-out, cup of noodles were standard fare. She liked people to put coins in the soda vending machine in her garage because she could keep the money. She loved to take pictures and she had an eye for beauty in this world. She was a mediator, a peacemaker who often seemed to end up in trouble herself. So often she was there to make people smile, because she cared and was devoted just like Spike and Walnut. Often I only saw the stoic side of her, the tough side, not a lot of emotion. But she was her parents girl and carried some of their best traits inside her. One of those traits was setting people straight when they went wrong. She wanted to always set things right. She was a hard worker and a good little business woman. She didn’t mess around when it came to business. But the business of going to school was not really her thing. She didn’t like school though I suppose friends made it somewhat bearable. She liked being 10 minutes late to first period because then everyone had a friendly hello for her. Of course being late for school wasn't quite the same as being late for early morning seminary, which wasn’t nearly as nice as skipping it all together and the same went for early Sunday church. That is something she’ll probably have to work on in the next life where she is now – but she will have Walnut’s help.
So for many of you that have known Amanda well, and for the many who now know her a little better now; what will be her legacy, what difference will this all make? I think that if she were here she would say Be Smarter, CTR – Choose the Right and don’t make the same mistake I did. She might also say be beautiful, be a friend, eat more smiley face fries, hug Spike for me, and give me a hug. In return you can be sure she would give you a hug, and if you are lucky a cheek squeeze. So be smart. C.T.R - Choose the Right so that someday many years hence in the next life she will thank you for letting her make a difference for the better in your life. I testify that Amanda Andrews lives and not just in our hearts. But she lives. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Song: He'll Carry You
Good morning brothers and sisters. My family and I are humbled at the turn out today. We are humbled by the kind words, the support and loving arms from those who have expressed their condolences to us. I am humbled by those of you who have traveled far from the East coast, central plains, and southern states. That is the impact that Amanda had on your lives. When we delivered the news to friends, there was no hesitation from friends that lived far who came.
As a father helping raising three girls it is my duty to lay the spiritual foundation in our home that will carry our children throughout their lives. Success is only known as our children mature into adults and start making their own life choices. Shortly after Amanda's passing I struggled with the question. Had we done enough? Had I given her the spiritual armor she needed, not only to get her through this mortal existence, but to get her through the next? The question gnawed at me and I resided to, at least under this life time, that I may never know the answer. A day after her passing my wife and I got the answer. We were surprised to find that Amanda had started a blog last year. Although she only had only a few entries, one stood out and gave us some spiritual insight on Mandy.
She wrote:
Saturday started off great, but its crazy how a good night can turn into a bad one based of dumb decisions, that's just the way it goes live and let learn . Brush it off, Have no fear. Even if I'm grounded at the moment and don't have my phone i'll get through it. There would be no learnin' now if everyone followed the rules and never went a couple steps off their road .
But anywhoooo, Saturday... it was good minus all the late night yelling from my parents. It was good, went to the fiesta again. Aha... Tried my first cumquat it was pretty scrumptious. Went swimming with some friends, jumped on a trampoline for a little, and looked at the stars. Sooo cliche.
Sunday, now its Sunday... Sundays will never ever be my day. Wake me up at 9:00 in the morning to go to church and look out. You are guaranteed to have one of the grumpiest, meanest, back talking teenagers in the LDS building. Yeah thats right, if you didn't know, I'm Mormon. LDS isn't the actual name of the church its just shortened so we dont have to say "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints". So if you're looking for a couple inspirational, personal, well-planned talks and some of the worlds GREATEST deserts, foods and some pretty nice people, you found the right place. And well if you didn't get the hint I'm in trouble right now and the one day I kinda payed attention in church they just happen to be singing a song called "Choose the Right" and the first line of the song is "Choose the right when a choice is placed before you". If only that song could pop into my head whenever I'm about to make some dumb decisions. She also writes, and I think this was intended for her parents - another verse she learned in class: But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you. She continues... it's crazy how some of the littlest words and quotes can change my perspective on things. Well... leaving you with that, I'm off... gonna go enjoy my grounding that I am blessed to have on this four day weekend . (That was definitely scarcasm for those of you who dont understand me) GREAT -_______- . . . Maybe i can convince my parents to take a little family trip to City Walk (:
And she did.Occasionally I would have the opportunity to drop Amanda off at school or at a friends house or public area. I would always leave her with these three letters. CTR. Short for three simple words. "Choose the Right". Some days I would forget to say them, Amanda would turn to me as she exited the car and say "Well, aren't you forgetting something"? She was a constant reminder to her friends and family to always be good. She didn't tolerate back talking... except when it's to her own parents. To those young men and young women who are here today to honor Amanda... Remember these three simple words. Carry them throughout everyday of your existence, when confronted with the pressures of being a teenager repeat them or ask yourself what would Jesus want me to do? To my family I turn and say, Amanda was received from Gods hands to ours and from our hands we deliver her back to him. Amanda has set the bar high for us. Our family was sealed in the temple together for time and all eternity. The Lord promises that if we live worthily we will be reunited as a family. So did we do it right? I am proud to say YES WE DID! We raised a valiant young spirit.
As her family and friends know all to well, Amanda was never known for keeping her room clean. As parents, we choose our battles wisely but when the mess would make its way out from her room to the dinning room, to the kitchen, hallway, living room and... well you get the point. I would come home and call out, "Amanda Kellie Andrews!" Mandy would stomp out of her room exclaiming, "Why are you calling me that name!?" "Well that's your name." "No!" She would exclaim, "That's my angry name. You only call me that when I've done something wrong!" "Well Mandy the house is a mess." "Have i done something wrong?" No, I would say." "Well then you need to find something else to call me when you want me to clean up." We would stand there staring at each other until one of us laughed. Then I would ask, "Mandy, can you please pick up your stuff?" She replied "sure." and then promptly turn around walk back into her room and shut the door. She eventually cleaned up, but she would do it on her own terms.
I would like to direct these next few comments to Amanda's friends and the multitude of youth who knew her, knew of her and have come here to pay their respects. Amanda did not wake up last Wednesday with the intent on ending up here today. What happened to Amanda that dreadful afternoon was that in a split second a choice was made. The consequence of that choice were unintended and permanent. I know I may not look like it but at one time I was your age. I thought I was invincible, I looked at myself as Superman. Some of you may still see the resemblance. I remember a time shortly after the 210 fwy was completed, I was racing my friend on that near empty freeway from Covina to Tommie's burgers in Eagle Rock. At over 120 mph my friend starts to lose control of his vehicle. Luckily, he was able to regain Control and we safely made it to Tommie's. But I was struck by the reality of what nearly happened. A foolish choice made on that freeway almost led to some very dire consequences. I can go on with a myriad of these situations that both myself and other have experienced with some having tragic results. You are not super human. These vessels we call bodies are very fragile. You must protect them and keep them clean. If you were truly a friend of Amanda's you will honor her memory not by dwelling on this tragic incident, but by the example of her kind and indiscriminate nature. No matter what your social circumstance, ethnicity, or popularity, Amanda was your friend. She was a defender of those who were picked on or bullied and she often got in trouble for stepping in the middle of a fight and trying to diffuse it. Those were the school suspensions we were most proud of. Be a friend to everyone, defend those that cannot defend themselves. Be kind. Find a way to make someone else smile. I feel all of us are better people for having had the privilege to know her. As parents we are honored to have been given the opportunity to raise one of Heavenly Father's most choice daughters. We will struggle to fill the chasm in our hearts created when she left us. But we know that we can turn to our father in heaven to help ease some of that burden. When Amanda was a baby we would sing her a church hymn called "Come, Come, Ye Saints". Written by William Clayton in 1846 and this hymn was regarded as a 19th century anthem to Mormon pioneers and often sung by the saints on their journey west along the Mormon trail.
The hymn reads:
Come, come, ye saints, no toil nor labor fear; But with joy wend your way. Though hard to you this journey may appear, Grace shall be as your day. Tis better far for us to strive Our useless cares from us to drive; Do this, and joy your hearts will swell - All is well! All is well! Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard? 'Tis not so; all is right. Why should we think to earn a great reward If we now shun the fight? Gird up your loins; fresh courage take. Our God will never us forsake; And soon we'll have this tale to tell- All is well! All is well! We'll find the place which God for us prepared, Far away, in the West, Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid; There the saints, will be blessed. We'll make the air, with music ring, Shout praises to our God and King; Above the rest these words we'll tell - All is well! All is well! And should we die before our journey's through, Happy day! All is well! We then are free from toil and sorrow, too; With the just we shall dwell! But if our lives are spared again, To see the Saints their rest obtain, Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell - All is well! All is well!This hymn would magically put Amanda to sleep within minutes. As a baby we would just hum it to her. It calmed her so much that if she heard It start to be sung, she would cry out "No... Not that song!" and then quickly fall asleep. Church missionaries and family friends would sing it to her just so they could watch her reaction. It was if she was hypnotized. Sleep would always ensue before the first verse was over. About a month ago, while sitting in a recliner chair and Amanda climbed in my lap to cuddle. I started humming the song and within minutes her body relaxed and she had fallen asleep. Now, as the saints of old, Amanda too rest from her toils here on earth in the arms of her Heavenly Father. We would like to play this song for you with hopes that as with Amanda, you to may find peace. But don't go to sleep! I leave you these words in Jesus name. Amen
Song: Come, Come Ye Saints
The Plan of Salvation - Given by Michael Miller
I'm grateful to be here and the opportunity to speak to you today at this memorial service for Mandy Andrews. I'm grateful for your presence. Your presence here today is a wonderful expression of love to Mandy and her family. I'm grateful for the spirit that's, or Rich's words and everything that has been said. I pray that the spirit will be with us for a moment that I may provide a little direction and give some comfort for those of us who may be experiencing some questions about this life and the ever after. Allow me to start from the beginning... God is the father of our spirits. We are literally His children and he loved us. We lived with our father in heaven before we were born on this earth. We were not like our Heavenly Father, nor could we become like Him without the experience of living in mortality with a physical body. God's whole purpose, his work and his glory, is to enable each of us to enjoy all of his blessings. He provided a perfect plan to accomplish this purpose. In the scriptures, God's plan is called "The Merciful Plan", "The Plan of Happiness", "The Plan of Redemption", and the "Plan of Salvation". The essence of the plan was that man would have to opportunity of working out his own salvation with God's help. In Job, it says that when we heard about this plan, we were so excited that we "shouted for joy". All of God's children who have lived, who are currently living, and will yet live on earth choose to follow this plan in our pre-mortal state. Jesus Christ is central to God's plan. Through his atonement, Jesus Christ fulfilled his fathers plan made it possible for each of us to enjoy immortality. He wants every one of his children to find peace in this life and a fullness of joy in his presence after this life. He wants us to become more like him.
Under the direction of the Father, Jesus Christ created the earth as place for us to live and gain experience. In order to progress and become like God, each of us had to obtain a body and be tested during a time of probation on earth. While we are here on earth, we are out of God's presence. We do not remember our pre-earth life. We must walk by faith, rather than by sight. The triumph of Jesus Christ over spiritual death by his suffering and over his physical death by his resurrection, is called The Atonement. Christ promises to forgive our sins on the condition that we accept him by exercising faith in him, repenting, receiving baptism by immersion and the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost, and striving faithfully to keep his commandments. Through continuing repentance, we may obtain forgiveness and be cleansed of our sins by the power of the Holy Ghost. We are relieved of our guilt and shame and through Jesus Christ we become worthy to return to the presence of God. As we rely on the atonement of Jesus Christ, he can help us endure our trials, our sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ. And then our spirit leaves our body and goes to the spirit world, a place of preparation, learning, and resting from care and sorrow. Alma the prophet said, "Now, concerning the astate of the soul between bdeath and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are ctaken dhome to that God who gave them life."
The spirit world is a wonderful place where you will be reunited with your family members who have passed away. As it has been said, Mandy is probably playing with Walnut now. I'm just wondering if he can say, "I love you" just a little better now or if he says it just the same. Her personality is the same. She still has her favorite colors, she still has her favorite songs, she still has that wonderful smile. In the spirit world, the gospel is preached to those who did not fully understand the gospel or did not have the opportunity to hear it while here on earth. We our bodies and spirits are reunited in the resurrection we will be brought back to each other. When it is our time to stand before God, we do not stand alone. Can you imagine being all alone before God and pleading our case? Luckily we are appointed an advocate to stand with us. That advocate is Jesus Christ. The Savior pleads our case for mercy. He is the champion of our cause as no other can be.
I'm going to read a little about the words of Christ as he was recorded, about the way and words he used when he pleads our case. The Savior pleads for the spiritual lives of his spiritual children. Not because of their own worthiness, but because of the Savior's sacrifice, they will be spared. This is the Son's plea to the Father as recorded in the Doctrine and Covenants:
“Father, behold the sufferings and death of him who did no sin, in whom thou wast well pleased; behold the blood of thy Son which was shed, the blood of him whom thou gavest that thyself might be glorified; “Wherefore, Father, spare these my brethren that believe on my name, that they may come unto me and have everlasting life.”1Brother Mcallister, in his book The Infinite Atonement, mentions that there may be yet another reason for advocacy, particularly Christ's: It brings about the spiritual bonding through Christ and his children that could not be achieved in any other way. It is the thread that knits our hearts and souls together. Who among us could watch him plead our case with fervent passion, listen to him rehearse the grueling events of Gethsemane, hear his expressions of unbridled love, and not feel a spiritual kinship with him?
As a result of the Saviors Atonement an advocacy, at the judgement day, when the eternal fate of all hangs in the balance, the Savior will stand "betwixt them and justice"(Mosiah 15:9). He will make the "intercession for the children of men" (Mosiah 15:8) He will plead the perfect balance between mercy and justice. He will be Mandy's advocate. He will be our advocate and our hope and salvation.
It is my testimony that Jesus is our personal savior and that through him we can find hope, joy, and peace. Christ himself said, "Peace I leave with you. My peace I give unto you. Not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled. Neither let it be afraid."
It is my prayer that we might be able to find this peace. Today and every day. I look forward to the time that we can all give Mandy a hug. And I leave this with you in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Song: Stay With Me by Michael McLean
Closing Remarks - Given by Bishop James Stevenson
Brothers and sisters we have been taught the gospel here today through music and word. In closing, I would like to share with you, I've been asked by the family to read a poem written by Amanda's mother. It's entitled "Carry On, Carry On" - They gave it to me because they thought I could be emotional.
I can’t tell you how much I miss your laughter
And those teasing names that said you loved me too
You bugged me so much about cutting my hair
So it is short again just for you
I know I yelled because you would take my clothes,
But if you were here now they would all be yours
I would give up anything... Do anything
To have you here with me once more
Don’t cry Lauren,
I am not gone
Carry on sister,
Carry on, carry on
When you were little I carried you every where
Until it drove you nuts and you'd push me away
The older we got the closer we became
I loved it when you would ask me to come stay
Remember how we wrote funny poems back and forth
And you said I smelled like moldy afghan goat cheese?
You always had the best sense of humor
Won't you come back to me please?
Don’t cry Breanna,
I am not gone
Carry on sister,
Carry on, carry on
Your friends and other family have been here sharing their memories with us
Eating smiley face fries on the roof in the sun
Jamming to your favorite "gangster" music each day
Going to the trail for a walk or run
Sleepovers and pillow fights, make-up, clothes, and boys
They share treasured secrets that bring us comfort and joy
Teachers and friends you haven't seen for awhile
Have all sent the most beautiful comments about you
You touched so many, many lives for good
We know you will live on in everything they do
Don’t cry loved ones,
I am not gone
Carry on friends,
Carry on, carry on
I've been so blessed to be your father
To have the Lord trust me with your care
I'll always cherish our road trips with the Judd's and Dean
Your cuddle chambers, chili fries requests, and bedtime prayers
Now when I think of you, I smile
Though my heart is aching from the pain
I go on because I know you would want me to
But living without you just isn’t the same
Desperately clinging to every memory of you
I think of how you touched our lives in so many ways
You visit me in my dreams at night
But I can never make you stay
Don’t cry daddy,
I am not gone
Carry on daddy,
Carry on, carry on
I sit in your empty room at night
Dreaming dreams that will never be.
Surrounded by all the things you loved,
For they bring you nearer to me.
I hug your pillow close to my heart,
Just a hint of perfume lingers from your shampoo.
I remember all the time we spent cuddling together.
Oh sweet girl, I will always love you.
I long for those precious moments again,
Yes, I know I’ll have them back in time
Until then I have my beautiful memories of you
And your skinny hugging arms wrapped around mine.
Don’t cry momma,
I am not gone
Carry on momma,
Carry on, carry on
I sit here by Heavenly Father’s side
Rubbing my hands through Walnuts soft fur
Jesus said He will watch over you now
And send you the spirit as a comforter
The angels sing me "Come, Come Ye Saints"
When I want to feel you near
And when you say your prayers at night
They always let me hear
So don’t cry family,
I am not gone
Carry on family,
Carry on, Carry on
We may be asking ourselves how do we carry on? I know that it is through our faith and our hope in Christ that he sends his spirit of peace to help us through these difficult times. I've seen that evident in the Andrew's home as I've been there and felt the spirit there and know that they've been comforted. I know that our savior is helping them carry on, but I want you to know that each of you is an influence and comfort to them as they struggle to make it through this time of sorrow and they are much appreciative of you and your prayers. I want you to know that that I have confidence, a strong faith, and hope of Christ. I have a testimony of the gospel. That I know that He lives and that through his atonement, and through his sacrifice for us we can make our way back to heavenly father. That is his great gift to us. He came to this earth to set an example for us. As we strive to live his commandments and to follow him, we will make our way back in to Heavenly Father's presence. I know that God lives. And that he is our heavenly father and Jesus Christ is his son, the savior of the world who atoned for our sins. And that through his resurrection, we all will be resurrected again. The end of our mortal life is not the end of our existence. We will carry on beyond the veil and progress. I pray that we will all feel comfort through the spirit of christ. That our pains will be eased as we continue to remember Amanda. As we remember her life and how she influenced us. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen
We thank those who have participated in this service today. Those who spoke and those who have shared their talents. We will conclude these services by singing "God Be With You Until We Meet Again".
Song: God Be With You Till We Meet Again
Ms. Hazel Eyes: Replay...
Ms. Hazel Eyes: Replay...: Replay... Every day since July 11, 2012 my mind has been in replay mode. I wonder to myself and drive myself crazy inside thinking if ther...
I Miss...
What I miss about you...
I miss your chocolate brown eyeballs and your beautiful lips. How your smile could make my heart skip a beat.
I miss going shopping with you for shoes and clothes and how if I said I was going to Target you always tagged along. I liked buying you things because you could make anything, no matter the price, new or used, look absolutely fabulous. Mostly though, I just liked having you by my side.
I miss your sarcasm. Hearing you tell Lauren to put a bag over her face before leaving the house and all of your constant teasing. We all knew that every time you were saying something mean (in your teasing way) that you were really saying "I love you".
I miss you walking through the house in your bra and panties, carefree and happy. Especially in your pretty pink sequined "party panties" that made you want to dance around the house.
I miss your beautiful voice. You sang so lovely, even though you refused to sing at church we would get to hear you sing in the shower, in your room, and in the car. How I would love to hear you sing to me now, or just say my name.
I miss your random text messages asking for food, sending me pictures of the dogs, funny videos, asking for rides, and how you would send me that "mama!" text if I didn't answer your first text.
I miss that ridiculous machine gun sound that you made when you slept. Man that noise drove us all nuts.
I miss you taking pictures of yourself - ALL the time! You wanted to model and loved photography.
You loved making goofy faces and dressing like a dork when you were in your playful mood.
I miss making food for you and your friends. Smiley face fries, quesadilla's, and empanadas were some of your favorite after school snacks. Sophie says you guys used to climb on the garbage can, then the wall, and on to the roof of the garage so you could eat them up their in the sun.
I miss fighting for bathroom space in the morning. You were such a counter hog! No matter how big of a floor-mat I got you still stood firm in the middle making me keep one foot on the cold floor.
I miss driving you to school everyday. It drove me nuts that you were ALWAYS late, but when I asked you why you couldn't be on time - ever- you said you liked walking in to first period late because everyone would say good-morning to you, even your teacher, and that just made you feel even more special.
I miss your laughter. Oh how it made my heart happy to hear your laughter in the other room when you were hanging out with your friends or your sisters. You really were a happy person. You filled my life with joy and sunshine.
I miss you telling me I needed to leave the house if you were going to clean so you could get in to your groove and blast your music.
I miss the excitement that lit up your face when "Border Wars" or some other prison show would come on tv and how it drove you nuts that I loved reading books all the time. Two days before you left us you told me "Mom! Stop reading all these books! You're going to rot your brain cells. Now get in there and watch some tv!"
I miss taking you to walk the Duarte trail - only to have you abandon me so you could run up and meet your boyfriend for a few minutes.
I miss dropping you off and picking you up on Friday nights when you would meet up with your friends.
I miss being able to tell you how I loved the birthday party you threw for me four days before you left us. You planned it secretly with my friend and co-worker and it was wonderful! You gave me a memory I will never forget.
I miss the constant radio channel wars we had in the car.
I miss wrestling you to try and blow on your belly. Okay, maybe the blowing didn't really make you laugh but you did think my attempts were funny. For someone so tiny, you were so darn strong!
I miss watching you do the Butt Bible workouts and how you made Zumba look like someone having seizures standing up.
I miss having you call me or send me a Facebook message when you were in the other room because wanted something but you were too lazy to get up.
I miss the phone calls when I was out of town to tell me you were hungry, even when your dad was at home in the backyard.
I miss making lunches for you and putting them in brown lunch sacks because you said it made you feel loved. Even though I knew you were stealing a line from a book we both read, it always made me want to make lunch for you. I also miss how you would say food always taste better when I made it for you, even though I know food, in general, taste better when you don't have to make it yourself.
I miss cuddle time. Having you climb in my lap or lay across me so I could scratch your back.
I miss taking you on driving lessons. You were so focused. You would have been a great driver. You worked so hard to bring your grades up so you could drive the BMW as your reward. Now your dad can't bear to part with it because it was going to be yours. We are still so proud of you.
I miss hearing about the teachers that drove you nuts and why and having you present your fact of the day from Mr. Ho's class. School was not your favorite place to be, but you loved your friends and certain teachers. You were given Saturday school for being late countless times, but you would beg me not to make you go because you got more done with the second threat of in-school detention.
I miss your obsession with your hair that refused to grow and all the special products you would try off the Internet to help it along. I even miss finding your hair extensions all over the house.
I miss finding your clothes strewn all around the house. Our house is so clean now. I'd take the dirtiness all over again if it meant you were still with us.
I miss hearing about your road trip stories that you took with your dad, Dean, and the Judd's. I miss you teasing me about coming along with you because you didn't like that I needed to stop every four hours to pee when your bladder was made of iron.
I miss how you sucked at school math but always seemed to know your numbers when it came to working for Nathan and Mandy during the summer babysitting and selling glow stuff at special events.
I miss the confidence you showed when you taught me the ropes of selling all things that glow.
I miss you telling your dad and I that we were disgusting for kissing each other in front of you.
I miss being able to say your name without someone looking at me with sad, knowing eyes.
I miss the smell of your freshly washed hair. It was one of the new shampoo and conditioners you found on Amazon to make your hair grow. I miss your smells so much I ordered a bottle just so I can smell you with me.
I miss looking for you in your room in the morning to wake you up only to find you sleeping with Lauren in her room, tangled in some strange position.
I miss seeing you carry your dog around the house and having you tell us that Spike needed to stay alive until you graduated from high school because you wanted him to be there. He's pretty upset that he doesn't get to go now!
I will miss watching you graduate from high school and college. Seeing you fall in love and get married. Watching you become a mother and your children, our grandchildren grow up. I will miss you every day my little Stinkerbell. You are my heart and my soul. You were and will always be the glue that bonds each member of our family together and keeps us connected to one another. Most of all I think I will miss our daily hugs and how you always gave a little butt squeeze at the end.
I just miss you. Every single thing about you. I love you Amanda Kellie Andrews. Always have. Always will.
I miss your chocolate brown eyeballs and your beautiful lips. How your smile could make my heart skip a beat.
I miss going shopping with you for shoes and clothes and how if I said I was going to Target you always tagged along. I liked buying you things because you could make anything, no matter the price, new or used, look absolutely fabulous. Mostly though, I just liked having you by my side.
I miss your sarcasm. Hearing you tell Lauren to put a bag over her face before leaving the house and all of your constant teasing. We all knew that every time you were saying something mean (in your teasing way) that you were really saying "I love you".
I miss you walking through the house in your bra and panties, carefree and happy. Especially in your pretty pink sequined "party panties" that made you want to dance around the house.
I miss your beautiful voice. You sang so lovely, even though you refused to sing at church we would get to hear you sing in the shower, in your room, and in the car. How I would love to hear you sing to me now, or just say my name.
I miss your random text messages asking for food, sending me pictures of the dogs, funny videos, asking for rides, and how you would send me that "mama!" text if I didn't answer your first text.
I miss that ridiculous machine gun sound that you made when you slept. Man that noise drove us all nuts.
I miss you taking pictures of yourself - ALL the time! You wanted to model and loved photography.
You loved making goofy faces and dressing like a dork when you were in your playful mood.
I miss making food for you and your friends. Smiley face fries, quesadilla's, and empanadas were some of your favorite after school snacks. Sophie says you guys used to climb on the garbage can, then the wall, and on to the roof of the garage so you could eat them up their in the sun.
I miss fighting for bathroom space in the morning. You were such a counter hog! No matter how big of a floor-mat I got you still stood firm in the middle making me keep one foot on the cold floor.
I miss driving you to school everyday. It drove me nuts that you were ALWAYS late, but when I asked you why you couldn't be on time - ever- you said you liked walking in to first period late because everyone would say good-morning to you, even your teacher, and that just made you feel even more special.
I miss your laughter. Oh how it made my heart happy to hear your laughter in the other room when you were hanging out with your friends or your sisters. You really were a happy person. You filled my life with joy and sunshine.
I miss you telling me I needed to leave the house if you were going to clean so you could get in to your groove and blast your music.
I miss the excitement that lit up your face when "Border Wars" or some other prison show would come on tv and how it drove you nuts that I loved reading books all the time. Two days before you left us you told me "Mom! Stop reading all these books! You're going to rot your brain cells. Now get in there and watch some tv!"
I miss taking you to walk the Duarte trail - only to have you abandon me so you could run up and meet your boyfriend for a few minutes.
I miss dropping you off and picking you up on Friday nights when you would meet up with your friends.
I miss being able to tell you how I loved the birthday party you threw for me four days before you left us. You planned it secretly with my friend and co-worker and it was wonderful! You gave me a memory I will never forget.
I miss the constant radio channel wars we had in the car.
I miss wrestling you to try and blow on your belly. Okay, maybe the blowing didn't really make you laugh but you did think my attempts were funny. For someone so tiny, you were so darn strong!
I miss watching you do the Butt Bible workouts and how you made Zumba look like someone having seizures standing up.
I miss having you call me or send me a Facebook message when you were in the other room because wanted something but you were too lazy to get up.
I miss the phone calls when I was out of town to tell me you were hungry, even when your dad was at home in the backyard.
I miss making lunches for you and putting them in brown lunch sacks because you said it made you feel loved. Even though I knew you were stealing a line from a book we both read, it always made me want to make lunch for you. I also miss how you would say food always taste better when I made it for you, even though I know food, in general, taste better when you don't have to make it yourself.
I miss cuddle time. Having you climb in my lap or lay across me so I could scratch your back.
I miss taking you on driving lessons. You were so focused. You would have been a great driver. You worked so hard to bring your grades up so you could drive the BMW as your reward. Now your dad can't bear to part with it because it was going to be yours. We are still so proud of you.
I miss hearing about the teachers that drove you nuts and why and having you present your fact of the day from Mr. Ho's class. School was not your favorite place to be, but you loved your friends and certain teachers. You were given Saturday school for being late countless times, but you would beg me not to make you go because you got more done with the second threat of in-school detention.
I miss your obsession with your hair that refused to grow and all the special products you would try off the Internet to help it along. I even miss finding your hair extensions all over the house.
I miss finding your clothes strewn all around the house. Our house is so clean now. I'd take the dirtiness all over again if it meant you were still with us.
I miss hearing about your road trip stories that you took with your dad, Dean, and the Judd's. I miss you teasing me about coming along with you because you didn't like that I needed to stop every four hours to pee when your bladder was made of iron.
I miss how you sucked at school math but always seemed to know your numbers when it came to working for Nathan and Mandy during the summer babysitting and selling glow stuff at special events.
I miss the confidence you showed when you taught me the ropes of selling all things that glow.
I miss you telling your dad and I that we were disgusting for kissing each other in front of you.
I miss being able to say your name without someone looking at me with sad, knowing eyes.
I miss the smell of your freshly washed hair. It was one of the new shampoo and conditioners you found on Amazon to make your hair grow. I miss your smells so much I ordered a bottle just so I can smell you with me.
I miss looking for you in your room in the morning to wake you up only to find you sleeping with Lauren in her room, tangled in some strange position.
I miss seeing you carry your dog around the house and having you tell us that Spike needed to stay alive until you graduated from high school because you wanted him to be there. He's pretty upset that he doesn't get to go now!
I will miss watching you graduate from high school and college. Seeing you fall in love and get married. Watching you become a mother and your children, our grandchildren grow up. I will miss you every day my little Stinkerbell. You are my heart and my soul. You were and will always be the glue that bonds each member of our family together and keeps us connected to one another. Most of all I think I will miss our daily hugs and how you always gave a little butt squeeze at the end.
I just miss you. Every single thing about you. I love you Amanda Kellie Andrews. Always have. Always will.
July 24, 2012
Hugs Heal Part II
A couple weeks ago I wrote a blogpost called "Hugs Heal - So Hug Like You Mean It". In that post I shared the hugs that have impacted me most in my life. At the time, there were only around 16 hugs that had etched their memory deep into my soul.
On July 11th, 2012, my world changed forever when my beautiful 16 year old daughter Amanda took her own life and, with that devastating event, the number of significant hugs that I have received and have given has become uncountable. Hugs came to us immediately from coworkers, neighbors, relatives, church members, friends of our family, and friends of our daughters. Prayers and hugs were sent out across Twitter with a #HugsHeal hashtag and Facebook wall notifications. Friends of Friends, who didn't even know us sent out their hugs and prayers and I felt strengthened by them all. Strangers who understood our grief from having endure the same dire circumstances and strangers who had never experienced the loss of a child, but knew it would feel almost unsurvivable without love from others; strangers or not.
In our LDS faith, as in many others, when someone passes the congregation pulls together to provide love, support, and meals. Lots and lots of meals. With each meal that is dropped off, I could almost see the remnants of tears that spilled onto their aprons as they prepared nourishment for our family using ingredients of love, friendship, hope, and pain. One of my co-workers came by the day after Amanda's passing, knowing that our home would be filled with teenagers coming to grieve, pay respects, and heal each other, she brought tons of snacks and drinks. When Amanda's friends came, we were prepared and I was extremely grateful. Friends and family came from near and far to hold us. My friend Lara, who I mention in my Hugs Heal blog, even organized my kitchen while our family friend Mandy J. cleaned up. Others stopped by to volunteer their services, even if it meant walking our three dogs. Church members who served their mission in our area and who had become a part of our family came too. We had visitors from North Carolina, Texas, Utah, BC, and both Northern and Southern California... all to wrap their arms around us to tell us we are not alone. Donations also poured in to help with the funeral expenses, taking a huge burden off our shoulders so we could focus on the healing process with our two older daughters.
I don't think I could have made it through without all of you. No one should ever have to experience a loss of any kind alone. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, a family pet, or friend, we should all learn to reach out to one another and give what we can of ourselves. My daughter Amanda was a very happy girl who had a brief moment of despair. Let this be a reminder to all of us to love deeply. My daughter was very loved and she loved deeply. We know she did not intend for the outcome to be this final, but it can not be changed. We must Carry On and live worthily so we can all be reunited again. Think about your decisions before you act. Choose the Right (CTR).
I feel like I have so much writing to do, but my heart will only let me get it out in pieces. Bare with me. Love Me. Hug Me. #hugsheal
On July 11th, 2012, my world changed forever when my beautiful 16 year old daughter Amanda took her own life and, with that devastating event, the number of significant hugs that I have received and have given has become uncountable. Hugs came to us immediately from coworkers, neighbors, relatives, church members, friends of our family, and friends of our daughters. Prayers and hugs were sent out across Twitter with a #HugsHeal hashtag and Facebook wall notifications. Friends of Friends, who didn't even know us sent out their hugs and prayers and I felt strengthened by them all. Strangers who understood our grief from having endure the same dire circumstances and strangers who had never experienced the loss of a child, but knew it would feel almost unsurvivable without love from others; strangers or not.
In our LDS faith, as in many others, when someone passes the congregation pulls together to provide love, support, and meals. Lots and lots of meals. With each meal that is dropped off, I could almost see the remnants of tears that spilled onto their aprons as they prepared nourishment for our family using ingredients of love, friendship, hope, and pain. One of my co-workers came by the day after Amanda's passing, knowing that our home would be filled with teenagers coming to grieve, pay respects, and heal each other, she brought tons of snacks and drinks. When Amanda's friends came, we were prepared and I was extremely grateful. Friends and family came from near and far to hold us. My friend Lara, who I mention in my Hugs Heal blog, even organized my kitchen while our family friend Mandy J. cleaned up. Others stopped by to volunteer their services, even if it meant walking our three dogs. Church members who served their mission in our area and who had become a part of our family came too. We had visitors from North Carolina, Texas, Utah, BC, and both Northern and Southern California... all to wrap their arms around us to tell us we are not alone. Donations also poured in to help with the funeral expenses, taking a huge burden off our shoulders so we could focus on the healing process with our two older daughters.
I don't think I could have made it through without all of you. No one should ever have to experience a loss of any kind alone. Whether it be the loss of a loved one, a family pet, or friend, we should all learn to reach out to one another and give what we can of ourselves. My daughter Amanda was a very happy girl who had a brief moment of despair. Let this be a reminder to all of us to love deeply. My daughter was very loved and she loved deeply. We know she did not intend for the outcome to be this final, but it can not be changed. We must Carry On and live worthily so we can all be reunited again. Think about your decisions before you act. Choose the Right (CTR).
I feel like I have so much writing to do, but my heart will only let me get it out in pieces. Bare with me. Love Me. Hug Me. #hugsheal
July 15, 2012
Carry On, Carry On
 |
| Amanda Kellie Andrews Beloved daughter, sister, cousin, and friend Rest in Heaven my love 12-19-95 to 7-11-2012 |
And those teasing names that said you loved me too
You bugged me so much about cutting my hair
So it is short again just for you
I know I yelled because you would take my clothes,
But if you were here now they would all be yours
I would give up anything... Do anything
To have you here with me once more
Don’t cry Lauren,
I am not gone
Carry on sister,
Carry on, carry on
When you were little I carried you every where
Until it drove you nuts and you'd push me away
The older we got the closer we became
I loved it when you would ask me to come stay
Remember how we wrote funny poems back and forth
And you said I smelled like moldy afghan goat cheese?
You always had the best sense of humor
Won't you come back to me please?
Don’t cry Breanna,
I am not gone
Carry on sister,
Carry on, carry on
Your friends and other family have been here sharing their memories with us
Eating smiley face fries on the roof in the sun
Jamming to your favorite "gangster" music each day
Going to the trail for a walk or run
Sleepovers and pillow fights, make-up, clothes, and boys
They share treasured secrets that bring us comfort and joy
Teachers and friends you haven't seen for awhile
Have all sent the most beautiful comments about you
You touched so many, many lives for good
We know you will live on in them in everything they do
Don’t cry loved ones,
I am not gone
Carry on friends,
Carry on, carry on
I've been so blessed to be your father
To have the Lord trust me with your care
I'll always cherish our road trips with the Judd's and Dean
Your cuddle chambers, chili fries requests, and bedtime prayers
Now when I think of you, I smile
Though my heart is aching from the pain
I go on because I know you would want me to
But living without you just isn’t the same
Desperately clinging to every memory of you
I think of how you touched our lives in so many ways
You visit me in my dreams at night
But I can never make you stay
Don’t cry daddy,
I am not gone
Carry on daddy,
Carry on, carry on
I sit in your empty room at night
Dreaming dreams that will never be.
Surrounded by all the things you loved,
For they bring you nearer to me.
I hug your pillow close to my heart,
Just a hint of perfume lingers from your shampoo.
I remember all the time we spent cuddling together.
Oh sweet girl, I will always love you.
I long for those precious moments again,
Yes, I know I’ll have them back in time
Until then I have my beautiful memories of you
And your skinny hugging arms wrapped around mine.
Don’t cry momma,
I am not gone
Carry on momma,
Carry on, carry on
I sit here by Heavenly Father’s side
Rubbing my hands through Walnuts soft fur
Jesus said He will watch over you now
And send you the spirit as a comforter
The angels sing me "Come, Come Ye Saints"
When I want to feel you near
And when you say your prayers at night
They always let me hear
So don’t cry family,
I am not gone
Carry on family,
Carry on, Carry on
Live Wisely, and always, always Choose the Right (CTR)!
July 12, 2012
A Father's Kiss
In loving memory of my baby girl Amanda. 16 years were not enough.
You are ours for eternity and we will see you on the other side.
Her Father holds her in His loving arms,
And with a kiss He lets her go.
He sends His beloved daughter down,
You are ours for eternity and we will see you on the other side.
 |
| Amanda Kellie Andrews 12/19/1995-7/11/2012 |
And with a kiss He lets her go.
He sends His beloved daughter down,
To her family waiting below.
He knows that they will love her,
With every fiber of their hearts.
The temple bond He sealed them in,
Promises they will never truly part.
His Father’s intuition reminds Him
How faith can be shaken when in rough seas,
So He blows kisses from the heavens
To etch her smile forever in their memories.
A family kneels in prayer together.
Hearts breaking as they try to comprehend.
How the love and joy they shared with her,
Could come so abruptly to an end.
He tries His best to comfort them,
Somehow hoping to lighten their load.
The bonds of eternity begin to strengthen,
As she prepares their castle at the end of their road.
She sits, perfected, by His side,
As they watch the scene below.
Her father holds her in his loving arms,
And with a kiss he lets her go.
Love you baby - Mommy
He knows that they will love her,
With every fiber of their hearts.
The temple bond He sealed them in,
Promises they will never truly part.
His Father’s intuition reminds Him
How faith can be shaken when in rough seas,
So He blows kisses from the heavens
To etch her smile forever in their memories.
A family kneels in prayer together.
Hearts breaking as they try to comprehend.
How the love and joy they shared with her,
Could come so abruptly to an end.
He tries His best to comfort them,
Somehow hoping to lighten their load.
The bonds of eternity begin to strengthen,
As she prepares their castle at the end of their road.
She sits, perfected, by His side,
As they watch the scene below.
Her father holds her in his loving arms,
Love you baby - Mommy
"We'll love you forever. We like you for always. As long as we are living, our baby you'll be."
July 4, 2012
Hugs Heal - So Hug Like You Mean It
I've been thinking a lot about hugs lately. Strange right? Let me explain...
A few weeks ago, my friend Ted Eytan (@tedeytan for you twitter followers) introduced me to a special lady named Lauree Ostrofsky (@simplyleap) through a tweet which was on the subject of hugs. Lauree is the founder of Simply Leap and has been going around the country on what she calls a "Hug Tour". The message is simple... Hug like you mean it.
It's such a strange and almost uncomfortable feeling for me when I encounter someone who hugs like they mean it. It is cathartic and terrifying at the same time. Sometimes I feel like I have so much of my past built up inside me that I fear if someone were to hug me with their heart and soul too long I would quite possibly crumble in tears.
Is it a sad statement when you can list the hugs that you remember that changed you a little bit inside? Here are the hugs that I etched their memory in to my heart.
Hugging my dad when he and my mom separated and he was leaving for his new appt. Hugging him when he left for Saudi Arabia to work for a few years. Running to hug him every time he came to see us.
Hugging my sister Kellie who was going to live with my grandmother when she was 13.
Hugging my sister Kim after helping her pack a bag so she could run away. Having her tell me to look out for my younger sister.
Hugging my boss, who was more like a fatherly figure to me than a boss, who could just tell that something was wrong when I showed up for work without a smile on my face. He made me go sit down with him. Told me I didn't need to talk if I didn't want to. I couldn't find the words, but the tears I had been holding back for the last hour started to fall. He got up and hugged me. He hugged me through all of my sobbing and heart ache. He hugged me until I could whisper the words; Right before I left for work my younger sister told me that one of my best friends, Robbie, was killed in a car accident the night before.
Hugging my best friend Lara right before I drove away to start a new life in Southern California... without her. She was my family and a huge piece of my heart. Leaving her behind left a piece of me too.
Hugging my two year old after she saved me from her father who had me pinned down to ground and was strangling me. My brave little hero came to my rescue, climbing on his back as she cried "No papi No!" Her plea broke him from his wicked spell. He climbed off me, kicked me in the ribs and walked away. Leaving her to hold my head while I caught my breath.
Hugging my soon to be second husband as he broke down in tears. His ex-wife had taken their daughter (HIS heart and soul) and hid her away.
Hugging a lady named Sherri Green who I met when I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Her hugs were so full of love and strength... they scared me. I wasn't used to someone hugging me like that... like a mother would do.
Hugging my sister Kim who moved away to Texas to start her new life when she was just 19 years old. I hadn't seen her for a couple years and I was in Texas for a conference that I was speaking at. She drove from Lubbock to San Antonio after working all day to spend a day and half with me. When she got to my hotel, she gave me one of her bear hugs. Tight and secure... full of sisterly love.
Hugging my nephew Matt when I stepped off the plane in Alabama to go to his college graduation. He and I have become quite close over the years and it was like hugging one of my own children. I wish he lived closer to us, but since he doesn't, our hugs have to last until the next time we'll see each other.
Hugging Lara again after not seeing her for several years. She will always be my best friend and soul sister.
Hugging my boss, Gail Lindsay(@nurseqm) and co-worker, Ruthie Goldberg, after having a bit of a nervous breakdown at work.
Hugging a lady at a grocery store who stopped me tell me I was beautiful. I broke down in tears and, without any hesitation, she hugged me whole again. Earlier that day my mother-in-law had told me I was fat and should consider gastric bypass. I spent the rest of the day telling myself I was ugly and unworthy, until I met this random woman who said I was beautiful.
Hugging two friends I had met through Twitter at DC HealthCamp and The Walking Gallery Event. The first was a hug from Regina Holliday(@reginalholliday). Her hug said, "I get you and I love you for being who you are." Then, meeting Lisa Fields(@practicalwisdom) who I had made an instant connection with through Twitter. When we met, she hugged me until I almost cried. Had nothing else in DC gone right, the trip would have all been worth it because of that hug.
Hugging my daughters every day, who won't let me walk by them without a REAL hug. I love the way they make me feel.
Hugging my chiropractors massage therapist who confided in me that he was feeling numb from the loss of a best friend. We talked about his pain and my own numbness when my best friend had died. When he finished massaging my neck, I reached out and gave him a hug. Only this hug was different from what I was used to giving. All I could hear in the back of my mind was Lauree saying "Hug him like you mean it. Show him that you care." So I hugged him tight and didn't let go. After about a minute he started to cry, and I cried with him. All I could think was... Hugs really do heal.
I will be 45 this Saturday, July 7th and I find it a little disturbing that I'm figuring this out so late in life, but there is no better time to start like the present. From now on, I'm going to hug like I mean it. If you are a sideways, one-arm-around-the-back hugger, please know that I will not let you get away without giving you a full on, two-armed hug. (If you only have one arm, I will still accept a one-armed hug, but you had better damn well mean it!)
I realize now, as I write this blog, that the hugs that really impacted me the most throughout my childhood are the hugs where someone was telling me goodbye. I don't want to think of hugs like that anymore. I want my hugs to be healing and full of love...for me and the recipient. To those who have hugged me with their whole heart... thank you. Whether you knew it or not, you have helped me heal a little bit with each embrace.
Huh... it seems that Twitter really can help change the world. One 140 character Tweet and hug at a time.
A few weeks ago, my friend Ted Eytan (@tedeytan for you twitter followers) introduced me to a special lady named Lauree Ostrofsky (@simplyleap) through a tweet which was on the subject of hugs. Lauree is the founder of Simply Leap and has been going around the country on what she calls a "Hug Tour". The message is simple... Hug like you mean it.
"My hug tour is a personal journey with a larger purpose. I want the people in my life to know they are important. To feel that they are loved, because they are. I also hope that my actions encourage others to share love. As adults we can be apprehensive, or just preoccupied, to show how we really feel. In answer to that, I say: It’s time to hug like you really mean it." - LaureeHow can one tweet make you rethink how you hug? Rethink your life? I guess that's really the power of Twitter. The messages, though sometimes life-changing, are short and sweet - the reader must decide what and how to interpret and/or apply. When I read about Lauree's #hugtour, my first thought was... she really is brave. You see, I didn't come from a big family of huggers, at least not growing up. I don't recall my mom being overly affectionate, though I know she loved me. My dad was on the road a lot for work, so I do remember him hugging us as he would come and go. I DO remember a couple of family friends who were like uncles to us that always gave hugs. My uncle Dan, who was the stand in father figure when my dad was away and David who liked to hug a little too much (He turned out to be a child molester - so his creepy hugs don't count). My step-dad is a big hugger, but I think I felt like it would be betraying my dad if I accepted them as freely as they were given. Other than that, I didn't really have a lot of huggers in my life who hugged "like they meant it". You know the kind of hug that says, "I care about you and I'm not going to let you go".
It's such a strange and almost uncomfortable feeling for me when I encounter someone who hugs like they mean it. It is cathartic and terrifying at the same time. Sometimes I feel like I have so much of my past built up inside me that I fear if someone were to hug me with their heart and soul too long I would quite possibly crumble in tears.
Is it a sad statement when you can list the hugs that you remember that changed you a little bit inside? Here are the hugs that I etched their memory in to my heart.
Hugging my dad when he and my mom separated and he was leaving for his new appt. Hugging him when he left for Saudi Arabia to work for a few years. Running to hug him every time he came to see us.
Hugging my sister Kellie who was going to live with my grandmother when she was 13.
Hugging my sister Kim after helping her pack a bag so she could run away. Having her tell me to look out for my younger sister.
Hugging my boss, who was more like a fatherly figure to me than a boss, who could just tell that something was wrong when I showed up for work without a smile on my face. He made me go sit down with him. Told me I didn't need to talk if I didn't want to. I couldn't find the words, but the tears I had been holding back for the last hour started to fall. He got up and hugged me. He hugged me through all of my sobbing and heart ache. He hugged me until I could whisper the words; Right before I left for work my younger sister told me that one of my best friends, Robbie, was killed in a car accident the night before.
Hugging my best friend Lara right before I drove away to start a new life in Southern California... without her. She was my family and a huge piece of my heart. Leaving her behind left a piece of me too.
Hugging my two year old after she saved me from her father who had me pinned down to ground and was strangling me. My brave little hero came to my rescue, climbing on his back as she cried "No papi No!" Her plea broke him from his wicked spell. He climbed off me, kicked me in the ribs and walked away. Leaving her to hold my head while I caught my breath.
Hugging my soon to be second husband as he broke down in tears. His ex-wife had taken their daughter (HIS heart and soul) and hid her away.
Hugging a lady named Sherri Green who I met when I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Her hugs were so full of love and strength... they scared me. I wasn't used to someone hugging me like that... like a mother would do.
Hugging my sister Kim who moved away to Texas to start her new life when she was just 19 years old. I hadn't seen her for a couple years and I was in Texas for a conference that I was speaking at. She drove from Lubbock to San Antonio after working all day to spend a day and half with me. When she got to my hotel, she gave me one of her bear hugs. Tight and secure... full of sisterly love.
Hugging my nephew Matt when I stepped off the plane in Alabama to go to his college graduation. He and I have become quite close over the years and it was like hugging one of my own children. I wish he lived closer to us, but since he doesn't, our hugs have to last until the next time we'll see each other.
Hugging Lara again after not seeing her for several years. She will always be my best friend and soul sister.
Hugging my boss, Gail Lindsay(@nurseqm) and co-worker, Ruthie Goldberg, after having a bit of a nervous breakdown at work.
Hugging a lady at a grocery store who stopped me tell me I was beautiful. I broke down in tears and, without any hesitation, she hugged me whole again. Earlier that day my mother-in-law had told me I was fat and should consider gastric bypass. I spent the rest of the day telling myself I was ugly and unworthy, until I met this random woman who said I was beautiful.
Hugging two friends I had met through Twitter at DC HealthCamp and The Walking Gallery Event. The first was a hug from Regina Holliday(@reginalholliday). Her hug said, "I get you and I love you for being who you are." Then, meeting Lisa Fields(@practicalwisdom) who I had made an instant connection with through Twitter. When we met, she hugged me until I almost cried. Had nothing else in DC gone right, the trip would have all been worth it because of that hug.
Hugging my daughters every day, who won't let me walk by them without a REAL hug. I love the way they make me feel.
Hugging my chiropractors massage therapist who confided in me that he was feeling numb from the loss of a best friend. We talked about his pain and my own numbness when my best friend had died. When he finished massaging my neck, I reached out and gave him a hug. Only this hug was different from what I was used to giving. All I could hear in the back of my mind was Lauree saying "Hug him like you mean it. Show him that you care." So I hugged him tight and didn't let go. After about a minute he started to cry, and I cried with him. All I could think was... Hugs really do heal.
I will be 45 this Saturday, July 7th and I find it a little disturbing that I'm figuring this out so late in life, but there is no better time to start like the present. From now on, I'm going to hug like I mean it. If you are a sideways, one-arm-around-the-back hugger, please know that I will not let you get away without giving you a full on, two-armed hug. (If you only have one arm, I will still accept a one-armed hug, but you had better damn well mean it!)
I realize now, as I write this blog, that the hugs that really impacted me the most throughout my childhood are the hugs where someone was telling me goodbye. I don't want to think of hugs like that anymore. I want my hugs to be healing and full of love...for me and the recipient. To those who have hugged me with their whole heart... thank you. Whether you knew it or not, you have helped me heal a little bit with each embrace.
Huh... it seems that Twitter really can help change the world. One 140 character Tweet and hug at a time.
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