Quotes from an amazing spiritual book I just read called "The Shack"

"Sadness is a wall between two gardens" - Kahlil Gibran

"God is a Verb" - Buckminster Fuller

"You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world, but a world lives in you." - Frederick Buechner

"An infinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children.  He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others." - A. W. Tozer

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading." - Oswald Chambers

"Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can not heal." - Author unknown

The Nana Letters - Foreward

My Grandmother has been my pen pal for quite some time. Our letters are changing though, changing as she has changed. I know it can be hard to look past the person Nana is now; Forgetful, bitter, depressed, lonely, and sad. But I know that's not who she is. She would have never chosen the life she lives at the age of 96. If she had her way, she would have been square dancing with Jack, the grandfather I knew. She really LOVED Jack and Jack really loved her. He had a grumpy teasing way about him. He loved to fart and then blame it on my nana or smack us with his newspaper as he walked by. Jack died over 20yrs ago. When he left, a piece of her heart went with him. That's when the CHANGE started.

Nana lived with a couple gentlemen after Jack's passing, and married one named Leonard (who she met by placing an add in a newspaper). He was a nice man, but he couldn't dance because it hurt his legs. His legs were eventually amputated and after a short time, Leonard passed away. This is when we started noticing the CHANGE even more. The tantrums, the confusion, the depression, the case of the nasties, these had all become part of the change. The change that took the sweet, feisty spirit of my grandmother and chased it away for good.

The dementia was and still is, the worst part. She doesn't remember the good stuff anymore and is often redundant in her letters, but every now and then, when I'm lucky, a moment of clarity strikes and she is like the nana we knew when we were young.

So... I was thinking that this would be a nice place to share some of her letters. YES... some of them are going to sound crazy and look like I can't type, but it is just because I want to keep the integrity of the letters as I received them, and I have to admit that she is a little "crazy" these days. But these letters are still part of our history. I will post them here to share. I'm going to write it just like she did - and she loves to right in her nursing shorthand. (Good thing I work with Dr.'s and nurses) So if it doesn't sound right, think of what I thought the first time I read them. I think the tone and content of her letters is dependent greatly upon the time of day she writes. Night hours are when the dementia is worse. She has a wonderful recollection of what happened 85 yrs ago, but could hide her own Easter eggs today and never find them. Sometimes she writes very happy letters describing her world that has gotten smaller. Cherish those. Sometimes she speaks mean and bitter things. Ignore those. That is not the woman we know that helped raise us as kids. For my sisters, my mother, my dad, my cousins, and anyone who reads this blog, my nana was, and still is, one of the most amazing women I have ever met. She has outlived 5 husbands, one I didn't even know about until about 5 years ago. She helped us become the independent people we are and in this afterlife, when her mind and body is perfected, I believe she will be there, with Jack, preparing the way for us, just as she has in this life.

The letters will be out of order, because I have kept them in different places and she doesn't like to date her letters. Some are postmarked, some are not, so bare with me. I will try and add a sidenote on ones that could use a little explanation. If you want to add a letter, you can email me at ldsklandrews@yahoo.com or mail it to me (email me for my address) and I'll post it here for all our family to share.

my eyes are red and tired 

stuck in a body that is achy

and a mind that is wired

wishing my dreams would take me

my nightly routine would be so lonely

had I not this world that listens in silence

there are pieces of my history 

on this electronic wall

a journal of my soul you could say

in the stillness of the night

this blog beckons me to play

sleep is gone for the moment

about to bring in a new day

The Nana Letters - April 2008

Dear Kristie,

Maybe you have heard already thru your mother "Bonnie" that I have a new address. you can pass the word along to Kel and Nick.

I now live with Roberta wherever she is. I fell @ my apt. and they passed a kid thru the window to open my locked door. Then to hospital to find no breaks so they called Roberta or said they'd put me in and adult foster home. Roberta presently works in Reno, Nevada 4 day work week so have room there and their home in Burns 3 da. I have my own old room here but Dave has a daughter that visits and then she gets it. Oh Well... so write me. o.k.?

Nana

SIDENOTE: My grandmother moved to a little town next to Burns Oregon about 3-4 years ago. She wanted to be close to my Crazy Aunt Berta - who is a traveling nurse and nana was convinced that my sister Kellie had stolen her car and was trying to steal her money from her bank account. When nana first moved to Oregon, she lived with Crazy Berta and Berta's husband Dave. Since Berta was out of the state for long periods of time, my nana thought that the neighbors would be suspicious that she (93 years old then) and Berta's husband Dave (in his 60's) were fooling around. She didn't want them to get the wrong idea, so she moved in to her own apartment, where she lived alone. One day, she fell in the bathroom, landing between the toilet and the shower. She managed to pull herself out to her bedroom, where she spent 3 days on the floor, unable to get up or call for help, locked inside her apartment. When the manager noticed that she hadn't been picking up her mail, he went to check on her. Lord only knows why he didn't have a spare key - guess he didn't need one since he had a kid he could throw through the window! After spending some time in the hospital for a bruised hip and a possible stroke, Social Services was called in and told her she could NOT live on her own anymore. She moved back in with Berta for a couple weeks and then found a private elderly boarding care home where she has been ever since.

My sister never stole my grandmothers car. In fact, I'm the one who spent 6 hours one Saturday afternoon during her 92nd year convincing her that it was time to give up her car keys. She has gout, which besides the pain, also causes her right foot to go numb. She also had a bad habit of disappearing on us for days at a time. One time, while she was living in San Diego, she went to the bank to get some money and never came home again. My aunt Oma's daughter called and said she was missing. We called the police and my sister Kim in Texas who's in the police department. They had to put out an APB on her. We found my grandmother 3 days later, taking a nap at a rest stop on her way to Oregon. (she was going to give Roberta her car and some money) Independence is a hard thing to give up and she didn't go down without a fight. When she finally surrendered her keys to me, I drove the car over to my sisters house before nana could change her mind. I'll explain the bank account stuff in another post.

The Nana Letters - undated

Dear Kristen

Did you have a good trip to Utah? I imagine there is as much snow there as here now. I think it will be 3 weeks before it is gone. Needless to say, I don't go out much.

The manager here keeps the walkways pretty clean, but I don't go out much, anyway. Go to the senior center for lunch on Wed. and Fri. and usually shop for groceries also. I miss my car very much but when I took my calif license in to get an oregon one they said I was too old. So Kiddo! Let that be a lesson! Don't get old!!!!

I love the paper you sent me. Thank you!!! I have decided to just send these bank statements of Amanda and Breanna. Lauren doesn't get one because she was included in a trust.

When I sent Kellie for her kids, she said she couldn't cash them and seemed pretty upset so I sent her one of my regular checks, but I had one just like this in my name and sent it to the bank and they accepted it and later I got it in the mail as withdrawn. You see, in 1999, I had a trust made and it says 20% of what I have at death goes to each daughter and 10% to each grandchild, which gives 0 to the great grands so I decided to set aside a small amount for them. You, no doubt make our a deposit check now and then. With that, I don't think there will be any trouble. Anyway, I think you and your husband can figure it out. Just say, it's from a 95 yr old grandma and they'll understand.

Anyway! Good luck! Just say, it is another work out for yours and your husbands brains. Ha! Ha!

SIDENOTE: My grandmother had sent my sister a deposit slip from her checkbook - not a check - and told my sister to just use that to get the money from her US Bank account to my sisters Bank of American account. Nana thought my sister just didn't know what she was doing. Kellie wasn't upset, just frustrated trying to get nana to understand how the bank system works.

Nana Letters 12-18-2008

Dear Kristen,

It was so nice to get your letter!  I wondered how you squeezed in the time.  I am very well on my 96th year.  I have missed Jack so much.  No more dancing.  Leonard just had BIG feet and had spent so long in the army, they eventually cut off both legs, but the army now sends me his remittance and with social security, I never spend it all.  I'm just a very lucky person.  It was so nice to talk to Kellie.  I am so happy to have my independence.  Yes the foster home makes good meals.  Not too many sweets though.

Bearing Best Wishes For A Holiday Season 

Filled With Peace and Joy

Are the girls in college close enough to still live at home?  How old is Amalia (Amanda) now?  I know your home must be lovely after all your husbands work.  You were lucky to catch someone so crafty.  

No, my ankles don't hurt.  But I don't have to shop for groceries and can always find somewhere different to wear every day.

So write again.  I swear to answer.  The lady here put up the Christmas tree today.  It is all lit up now. and yesterday she put boughs above the doorways.  Roberta had me out for Thanksgiving and I assume will also on Christmas.  So the lady arranges her day differently.  They are good friends.  Roberta is working in Nebraska again.  She is 54 now and will be content to stay home someday.  They always have good cars and no doubt lots of payments.  

Love to all the family,  Nana

The Nana Letters 9-06

Dear Krissy,

I miss being in Cal but this is Roberta's home and she came to San Dimas and brought me here and I feel I owe her a lot.  I lived with them for 5 months, then got my own apt. in town.  I lived with them for 5 months, then got my own apt. in town.  She is a traveling nurse and when I first got here, she was working in Reno and it was a 6 hour drive.  Her husband fixed up a trailer that she lives in wherever she is working.  Now, she is working in BOise, Idaho, but she says they don't pay as well as Reno did.  Her husband has 40 head of cattle on their ranch and sells one now and then.  

It appears both your mother(Bonnie) and Kellie consider me an imbecile.  So, I will stay in Oregon though I know winter will soon be here, we had quit a bit of snow last winter. 

I could not understand your mother, Bonnie.  One nite, we were chatting and then she called a policeman to talk to me.  He said I'd have to come with him and he put me in a police wagon with another lady who questioned me all the way.  I never knew where they took me but Bonnie said it was the psyschiatric  part of Dr.'s Hospital.  One man stayed like a guard with me and another kept asking me questions.  In about 2 hours they asked me to get in the car again and took me to another place.  It was a regular room with only 1 leather couch in it.  It was so cold so the one in charge brought me an oversize white bedspread to cover with.  She let me keep my money and took my purse.  I was so dumbfounded about all the carrying on.  In about an hour she came back and said I could go as Bonnie was here.  Mike never drove her car but that night he did.  When I got home - no one spoke.  We just went to bed.  The next day, I rented an apt so to speak - no furniture, just a refrigerator.  I was prepared to just sleep on the floor, but Bonnie came the next day and said Nick had driven to San Francisco and she said he would stop by and take me back to L.A.   I was glad to go and Nick took me to your house for a few days when Kellie got me a room with another lady at San Dimas Retirement Center.  I had to pay $922 for the rest of that month and when Roberta came for me, I had to pay almost $2000 to leave with my medication.  I kept writing to Roberta and Dave that I didn't understand the why of things - so she came after me.  Kellie at that time said she and Nick talked it over and had decided that I should turn my bank account over to them and they'd pay my bills.  

Nick brought his 2 kids and came to see me that weekend, but he didn't say anything about y money.  Kellie couldn't understand why he didn't ask for my bank account.  She came in a few days and asked me to go with her and she took me to a place in Glendora which I found out later was a psychiatric place.  Most of the people were men trying to hug and love each other.  There was one woman who said she had just said about her house "She didn't care if it burnt down" and her sons put her there.  Some man came and talked to me a lot.  I think he was the doctor there.  Anyway, Kellie and I had been there about ann hour when she got a call and had to leave.  so they gave me a bed and I was there 2 days.  I finally went to the office and said I'd like to leave and the man said, "Well, we were going to release you today" and he took me back to the retirement center.  That is when I wrote to Roberta to please come and get me.  I talked to the bank and they said a person would have to go to the prosecutor attorney and declare me incompetent to take over my bank account - but I didn't put that past Kellie because Matt wasn't working.

Anyway, Kellie never came to San Dimas Retirement anymore and I was glad to come with Roberta.  I just wanted you to know the details.  I don't trust Kellie and I'm afraid of her and Bonnie both.  

Anyway, I just want you to know that I have 12 bank accounts, but I have 16 great grandkids.  I had bought investments for the 4 babies at the time, except Danny, one of the twins.  He has a bank account, I had bought investments for Lauren (your baby then), Nickolas Kimoto, Kayla Gass, and Mathue Okarmus (Kathy's oldest).  Bonnie said I had asked her to keep them so I asked her to send them to me.  I had paid $1000 for each of them in the beginning.  the stock market has come up since I bought.  She said Mathue Okarmus had cashed his to get money for college.  So I have the 2 she sent me, which is Lauren's and Kayla Gass.

Bonnie isn't good about answering me, but since she sees the twins, (Nicholas and Danny Kimoto) I think Nicholas probably got his, she sees the twins frequently.  Laruen's will come due to pay out 7-1-2007, but it can be done earlier if she wants.  She must be about ready for College.  

Sometimes, I am not good on the phone, it seems my hearing aids make a difference.

Love U all, 

Nana

The Nana Letters - Jul 2003

Dear Krissy,

I want to say thanks for coming over to see me off the other day.  I came home the next day as Oma's daughter said I could only stay one night in Oma's room.  Oma, I think broke her r hip and was in the hospital for about 4 days, then to the rehab, but Oma wrote that they didn't get her up for several days and it was very painful.  

I think that I spoke about getting saving accounts for the great grandkids.  It is in the BofA and they could draw it out and when I die then they can.  You can add to it however.  

Well, people say it is very hot so I am in shorts and trying to kep cool.  I do get a little breeze when I open the back door.  Kellie came by yesterday.  I thought she was off me, but I guess she thought I would stay longer in Escondido.  I really made the trip to see a renter in Vista.  He pays one month and skips 2.  I finally have told him I will pay his first month rent to get rid of him.  So far, even that hasn't worked.  If it ever does, I will take my bedroll and stay until it sells.  Probably 3 weeks.  

Well my fish balls, potatoes, and corn are done so I will eat and go to the store for some cokes.  I have a red nose from the sun.

With all best wishes to all - Nana

The Nana Letters - 1-2-2008

Dear Krissy,

Thank you for the nicest gift and surprise of writing materials.  I will use them.  I got your note that you were making a trip to Salt Lake.  I hope it was a very pleasant journey.  Salt Lake is a very nice town though not real big.

When I was married to Bob Cooper (he used to follow the union work  wherever it was and we went to 1st Provo from Hanford, Washington for about 6 weeks and we bought 5 acres betwen Sandy and DRaper.  Bob drove every day to work and he built me cages and I raised rabbits.  I didn't like so much snow, but the rabbits really thrived.  I could catch one in the pen, hit it in the head, hang its hind legs up (tied) on a big nail, skinned it, then cut it up and we sold them to travelers.  That was my THING.  As I was staying home with Bonnie who was 3-4 then. and Roberta was in 2nd grade.  She had to ride the bus to Draper.

The winters were fierce.  Windy and cold with 3 ft of snow.  I finally told Bob I was leaving in the spring and a job got finished so we reclaimed our hourse in San Diego and went home.  He had become sickly in Utah and the Dr. told him (army doctor) he had 6 months.  So, he began going to the army hospital on the road to Frisco.  He went to the veteran's hospital for 3 wks at a time and would feel pretty good until once we were heading to the veterans and he said his chest hurt very badly so I said we'd better see the Dr. first and the Dr. took one look at him and ordered him to the hospital.  He died at 6 pm and is now buried in the veteran's cemetery of San Bruno.  By then, Roberta and Bonnie were both married so that was the beginning of my loneliness.  So I began square dancing and Jack became my partner.  That was a great 23 years.

You must be tired of this.

Love to all, Nana

My little girls have grown into young women

No longer their hero or the one they shower with kisses freely

I wait, like a thief, for moments I can steal away

A long hug, a conversation of more than Hello's and Goodbyes'

Quiet times... not shopping days when I'm spending money to be with one or all of them

Standing at the kitchen counter, sharing our day, laughing as silly Lauren dances in her undies and donkey slippers

Those are the moments I treasure

Every so often, I am blessed with a rare opportunity

Having one of them lay next to me, so close I can feel the warmth of her body

And see the soft, rhythmic rising in her chest

I take in the scent of her hair

Praying the minutes will pass like hours

When did I hold her like this last?

So many thoughts run through my mind

What does the future hold for her?

Who will be her true love?

Will she remember me when love fills her life?

Relax...  savor the moment

Oh, it is so very rare

These brief glimpses of our yesterday, carry me through our tomorrows

I am so blessed... even by stolen moments, I am blessed

The Nana Letters - Feb 2008

Dear Krissy,

How are you and all the family?  I am fine.  Roberta makes sure I keep well.  I think she feels at 95 that I should be falling apart.

Well, we had quite a bit of snow this year and it stayed on a long time.  Made me think Calif.? but Roberta does so much for me that I would never leave here.  Also, I like my little apt.  Can boss my own self!!! Dial a Ride comes at most commands.  I enjoy going to the senior center on Wed. and Fri for lunch and womenly gab.  Today I bought an extra one for supper, but I may keep it for tomorrow. 

Are you still working at Kaiser?  Must seem like your other home!  Does Rick (your dad) still live in the area?  Mike (your stepfather) calls me every now and then.  Bonnie will soon reach retirement age, but I bet  she'd rather be working.  It is nice to be able to stay in one job so long.  I worked til I was 81.  My patients would say "you are older than I am".  But I enjoyed the routine.  At home here, I never think routine except  "get the dishes done".  I have a cleaning lady every Thursday so that is ore excuse to let it go.  But I do make my bed except when she comes to change the linens.  She says she has a house and 2 dogs.  They don't allow pets in the apt. complex, but it is hard to tell a child they can't have a pet.  

I think you know Roberta is a traveling nurse and works in any state.  Now, she is in Reno and she has a trailer that Dave pulls to wherever she is for her to live in.  

Did you ever hear of "gout"?  It is just as crazy as it sounds.  I had it in a hand about 8 or 9 months ago and now I have it again in my R little finger and foot.  They say drinking lots of water is best - but I'm never thirsty.  3 cups of instant coffee does pretty good.  

How do Breanna and Lauren like college?  What are their majors?  Are they anxious to have their own apt?  All kids dream of when "I'm really big."  Did I tell u that I write to a boyfriend, but he is younger.  But just recovering from a broken knee.  I think we live about 600 miles apart so it will probably always be letters, but it makes going to the mail box an excursion - about 3/4 block.  If you have something that won't fit in the box, the carrier will bring it to the house, and they just open the door and walk in.  If you are not at home, they put it inside the screen door.  

Did you every play a card game of "Solitaire"?  That is my usual evening after Wheel of Fortune.  Sometimes there are later shows I enjoy, but not usually.  Last week, there was The Most Unusual Accident or Happening"  and The Most Outrageous @ another night.  Often, I just pick up a book, but I stay up too late then.  

Well, I do enjoy your letters and hope to hear from u again.   

So, How is Robert?

Love to all, Nana

The Nana Letters - 8-16-07

Dear Kristen,

   How nice of you to think of me!  Is there anyone who doesn't love to get letters!  yes, that is why we go to the mailbox.  (my typewriter needs a new ribbon, but what do I know about that?)

   Yes, I think you should have a pat on the back for all of your efforts!  I keep well, stay away from Dr.s!  I am 95 now, but my only sister is 100 on the 16th.  She fell not long ago and broke some ribs.  I wish we could live together, but I am considered old, too!  Out of my mother of 13 children, we are the only ones left!

   Pat your husband on the back for all his good work.  I have no desire to ever own a home anymore.  I have what I say is a nice apt. for $250.000 per month.  I get 10 times that in income since the gov't gives me Leonard's part.  He was in the service 30 years.  It is just a shame that he couldn't have lived longer.  This typewriter was actually his.

   Well, this is a small town.  Less than 5000 people so if anyone wants to shop, they go to Bend - 120 miles, plus $35.  The senior center runs a bus there twice a week.  I would like to live in Bend, but it would be too far from Roberta.  She still works 3 days a week in Boise, Idaho.  she has a little trailer that she lives in when she is off.  She and Dave,  her husband, are very good to me.  she drove me to Toppenish to a family get togther. 

  I am sorry about your dog, but death comes to all. Yes, I still go to the senior center for lunch on wed and Friday.  That is my outing for the week.  I am too far from Safeway (only store) to walk there, but there is a notion store a few blocks which I walk to now and then.  You know that Kellie has my car as her husbands truck was out of order.  She tricked me out of it and I will never forgive her for it.  Now, I just call the bus (.75)  Oh well, you win some, you loose some!

I can't believe your girls are ready for college.  You know Mathue (Kathy's oldest) used his trust for college though it wasn't time for it to mature.  He borrowed on it.  Is the tuition for college very high?  I went to a junior college when I became an LVN nurse and passed meds for a long time.  I loved working!  It was so busy; it was like a game to plan to get it all done by report time.  They said they had to hire 2 when I left, I was 81 then and patients made fun of me for working.  I have thought of putting in an ad to work in a home, but I couldn't keep up with the kids, I don't need the money!  Just hate the illness!

I had a Cal drivers license when I first moved here and went to the drivers license place to get an Oregon one and when they asked my age, they refused and mailed me an Oregon personal card.  Oregon is a tough state, I think.  But it isn't a bad climate considering it year round.

Roberta and Dave have a ranch with 30 head of cattle.  That's Dave's thing and Roberta has her 3 day work and home 3 days.  I lived at their place 3-4 months before I moved to town.   Frances, a niece, said surely the neighbors talked about me living alone with Dave so much, but the neighbors were 20-30- miles away, "several fields"  Dave was always a gentleman and never failed to comment on a good dinner.  I tell Roberta sometimes she seems more like my mother than my daughter.  I look up to her.  sounds odd, but they are so considerate.  

So, now are you lost without going to school?  Do you see your father now and then?

Loved your letter!  Again??

Nana

The Nana Letters - 9-15-07

Dear Krissy,

I got notices from U.S. Bank about Amanda's and Breanna's checking accounts.  I know they are headaches for you because a U.S. Bank is far from you.  So I decided to cash them and will send you my personal check which you can cash along with your payroll check.  Just tell them that you know the person.  

My s. s. and Leonard's veteran's both go in there monthly.  It is still warm here but I enjoy my long sleeves because it is so cool in the mornings when I dress.

I live alone but since I'm 95, I'm thinking of getting another lady to live with me.  My sister Fern passed away this last month.  Roberta too, me to the funeral.  Fern was 100 years old the 16th of August.

Lauren didn't have a bank account because she had the trust.

I hope you folks are all well.  I know I left San Dimas rather quietly, because I wasn't sure that Roberta was or when she could come for me.  She still works as a traveling RN nurse and now works in BOise, Idaho.  A 6hr. drive for her so she has a trailer that she lives in and comes home as she can.  Her husband has about 30 beef cattle and tries to grow as much as he can of the feed.  I lived at their house when Roberta first brought me here and he never failed to say "That was a good dinner!"  

I enjoyed your letter and I can understand how thrilled to be thru schooling.

I can't believe the girls are ready for college.  do they have boyfriends?  Do they enjoy school?

Well... write again when you can.  you know I made a trust in 1994 and in it, it said my daughters were to get 20% each, making 40% and the 6 grandkids were to get 10% each, making 100%.  So far, I haven't tried to put aside, but do have most of my funeral taken care of.   I think I will let Roberta take charge of most everything thou the trust says Nick is to be executor and for some reason he and his mother don't see eye to eye.  I think my ashes should go to you but you can do what you want with them.

So give the girls a hug for me and all of you Keep Well!

Love Nana

The Nana Letters - 11-14-08

Dear Kristen,

It was so good to get your letter!  I am living in a board and care home.  I am lucky and have a room to myself.  There is 2 other women and 1 man.  The lady makes all the meals.  I am hoping to get an apt again, but I'm told that at 96 I cannot live alone.  I've decided to lie a bit and say I was born in 1932 instead of 1912.  then I would only be 76.  So YOUNG!!!  Fern, my sister, was 14 days over 100 when she died.

Well, in a couple more weeks we can send out Christmas cards.  I'm sure the facility here will have a christmas tree and I will probably go to Roberta's then anyway.  The t.v. has on the cooking show but why should I watch it, I have nothing to say about what is cooked.  I know we eat at 8am and 12 and then 5:30 pm.  If I didn't have Leonards's monthly money, I couldn't live here.  $1900/month.  So I am thinking of moving- but I have to get off my butt and go looking for an apt. I sure miss Oma - and I sorta miss you guys in LA area - but it has been a long time now.  (my good pen was out of ink :-)

Roberta comes once in a week, usually but I think she is working again,  We generally go out and she runs her errands and I check her list and we have lunch.  She knows more about this place tahn I do.  I don't even know the telephone number.  When I want to use it, they always "I'm uses the other one".

You know, letters are like a visit.  the place is secluded and we have to call dial-a-ride to go even to the post office.  This is really Hines - a suburb of Burns.  No post man comes here, only packages.  I sleep a lot because time drags.  

Do you still work with Kaiser?  We don't have Kaiser's here - so I have secure horizon insurance.

I walk with a walker now.  (4 wheels) Leonard bought it for me.  Said "someday I would need it"  Phillip got to know him, but none of the others did.

Do you know Phillips address?  Probably nick does.  Jody asked Phillip why he and Nick had different last names.  Roberta is married to a rancher now.  Has 29 cows and raises a lot of feed.  She lives 23 miles from Highway then 7 miles to the house.  She bought the house and they had to dismantle it to get it the last 7 miles.  she works out when she can, so they both have cars(he has a 2 seated truck).  So lots of bills.  She is RN and her license is good in any state.  Her jobs are mostly vacation for some one else or sick leave.  the people here have a P.O. BOx in Hines.  If I was staying here, I'd get one, but if I move, I'll have an address.

Will let you know,   Nana

Extraodinary Visions

http://www.dewittjones.com/html/extraordinary_visions_clip.shtmlhttp://www.dewittjones.com/html/inter_video.shtml 

http://www.dewittjones.com/html/cv28k.shtml

"We should pray as if everything depended on the Lord, then work as if it all depended on us." Brigham Young

What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies ~ Aristotle

E. B. WHITE:

You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what's a life, anyway? We're born, we live a little while, we die. A spider's life can't help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone's life can stand a little of that.

Charlotte, "Charlotte's Web"

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.

Elizabeth Folley

"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends." ~ Richard Bach

I knew this day would come

For over a year now, I have waited for the moment when the phone would ring and on the other end would be the voice of my dear friend Cece.  I often wonder how she is doing and what she is doing.  I wonder if she feels the loneliness that I feel.

Sometimes I feel jealous of those around me that have taken a chance and have opened up their hearts so that close friends can enter.  I use the word friend with caution, as the meaning I do not take lightly.   I can easily count on one had the people that I have let get that close to me.  

Lara was the first - my best friend from about 9 years old until about 20 years old -  And then I moved away to start a new life.   I felt guilty for not taking Lara with me.  We swore we would always be together.  Our relationship faded because of me.  Because I chose to move on, and then, when she reached out to me, I didn't feel worthy of her friendship.  A bad first marriage left me scarred with thoughts that I wasn't pretty enough or skinny enough.  I know Lara would never judge me, but I judged myself for her.  I had gained weight.  I was embarrassed to have her see me, so I have kept her away.  I think about reaching out to her, but keep saying I need to lose 20 pounds first.  That is so STUPID.  I need to just pick up the phone already!

My husband Rich is another who I have let in to my heart.  He is my lover, my friend, and an amazing father, but that isn't the same as having a close girlfriend.   My friends Minu and Godo are my work friends, who I am close to.   We don't do things together outside of work, but I feel like I can tell them almost anything.  

Cece was the one true friend that I had, outside of work.  She moved to Colorado over a year ago with her husband and kids.  We stopped talking, I didn't really do it by choice, I just didn't know how to get a hold of her.   I felt like she needed me to respect that she needed some time.  I knew that one day she would call again.  Well... at least I hoped and prayed she would.  

Tonight, sitting around the table after having dinner with the missionaries serving in our ward, the phone rang.   Amanda answered it and then looked at me surprised and said, "It's Cece".  I thought my heart leapt from my chest.  As I stepped away to take what turned out to be a 2 1/2 hour call, I knew my prayers had been answered and my friend had been returned to me.  We have a lot of catching up to do... but it seems though time has not passed even a day.  I'm grateful and I'm blessed.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower,
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So eden sank to grief.
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Robert Frost

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." -- Oscar Wilde

"The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living." -- Cicero

Robbie Dadasovich

I've been thinking about an old friend of mine quite a bit lately. He seems to sneak in to my thoughts when I least expect it, etching his memory gently on my skin. The moist trail touches the corner of my lip, a salty but bitter reminder that his memory is all I have.

Rob Dadasovich was one of my best friends in high school. We met in a world history class. Robbie sat in front of me and spent most of our class time trying to convince me that I should dump my boyfriend and go out with him. Caving in to the pressure and during one of those "breaks" that I had with my boyfriend, I agreed to go out with Rob to the movies. He took me on the most memorable date of my life. Honestly... that is no exaggeration.

The Date...

Rob came to pick me up, but realized he hadn't cashed his paycheck yet. So before we could go to the movies, we had to go to his house and borrow money from his stepdad. Ginny, his mom, gave him such a teasing for that! After borrowing money, we went to the movies and ran in to my boyfriends best friend, right at the moment that Robbie decided to try and hold my hand. Rob decided we needed to go somewhere to "talk" and drove us over to our high school baseball field. He conveniently had a blanket in his car, which he laid neatly over by second base (hoping to reach it most likely!). We laid there under the stars, staring up at the night sky in a city that seemed to small to hold our big dreams, and talked while he held my hand nervously. Right when we started to forget how rocky the night had started, the sprinklers came on sending us running towards the car. As we neared the parking lot, we saw the lights of a police car pulling up to his car, his bright search beam scanning the field for teenagers out past curfew. Like an old pro at evading the police, Rob pushed me under the bleachers where we hid until the cop gave up and drove away. You would think that he would have taken all of this as signs that we weren't meant to be together, but he remained steadfast and undeterred, bravely inviting himself in to my house to again "talk" for awhile. I have to admit, that his kiss caught me off guard. However, not quite as offguard as when my boyfriend showed up at my front door with Rob still sitting on my living room couch. We didn't date again after that, not that Rob didn't try though, he never really gave up the quest. We had an amazing connection, but I felt we were better off as friends. It crushed him I know, but I just couldn't get over one small issue. Robbie was an inexperienced kisser. I had been with my boyfriend for a while and had a little more practice. He used to beg me to "teach" him, but I couldn't get past the initial quick hard probbing that left me feeling like my tongue had been in a sparing match.

We didn't need the kisses to be close though. You know... I don't think my mom is aware that 23 years ago, after she left for work, every summer morning after Rob's waterpolo practice, he would come over to my house and crawl into bed with me and we would sleep. Embraced in each others arms. Me in my t-shirt and panties and him in his tighty whities. Shocking as it sounds, it was so innocent. There was no kissing or romantic privileges, just a quiet connection.
Even after high school, when many of our friends had drifted away, starting out on their new journey, we stayed connected. We spent time together, but nothing like those two summers of our Junior and Senior year. We graduated in 1985. We saw each other 2-3 times a week. He gave up on having me as his girlfriend and met a sweet girl who he started dating. I worked for a Round Table Pizza restaurant and he would come by with his friends to say hi and try and get some free pizza. He came by two nights before the last time I would ever see him.

I remember the day my world changed forever so vividly. As I recall the moment, I can still feel the odd sensation that my chest was tightening - slowly breaking my heart into a million little pieces. The day started off as normal. I was rushing around my apartment trying to get ready for work when my younger sister stops by unannounced. She said she had something serious to talk about and asked me to sit down. My mind immediately raced to my mom who has had a few cancer scares. She tells me that our mother is fine. Then she said "Krissy, Robbie is gone. He died last night."

I stared at my sister with disbelief and heartache. I heard the words she was saying, but I couldn't understand them. Was she telling me that Rob was gone? I had just talked to him two days before, how could he be gone? She told me that Rob had gone fishing with our friend Randy and they decided to drive home late instead of camping out in their car. Rob was driving. Randy, who was drfting in and out of sleep, woke up for a brief moment to click his seatbelt on. Robbie didn't have his on. Rob fell asleep at the wheel and they slammed in to a telephone pole. Robbie died instantly on impact. Randy walked away with some broken ribs and scratches.

I just kept hearing the same words over and over, "Robbie's gone". I didn't know what to do. This was one of my dearest closest friends. I cried softly for a very brief moment and they I stood up and went to work. I think I went to work because I needed some normalcy. Something to keep me distracted from my own thoughts. My general manager, who was like a father figure to me, asked me to come over and sit with him. He knew something was wrong, but didn't know what. I did with him what I couldn't do with my little sister. I let me guard down and my tears fall.

Rob Dadasovich was a blond haired, blue-eyed water polo player. He was extremely proud of his letterman's jacket that he let me wear on cold days. His favorite music group was the Cars. He loved to sing to me "My best friend's girl friend" to remind me that I dated one of his friends and "All I Want Is You" - constantly trying to tell me that I was wrong for staying with my boyfriend and not choosing him. He wore sunglasses ALL the time and wore tighty whities. He taught me how to swim in the deap end of a pool. His family was religious and they even took me to church with them several times. Robbie struggled sometimes with depression, but I don't know if many people know that. We had long talks out in his car. Sometimes he would cry and I would cry with him. One time when he was talking crazy thoughts about suicide and that he didn't think there was really a God, I took him in to talk to my mom who had a life after death experience and had experienced the bright light and the feeling of peace... all that stuff. Then she told him that there was a God and that he loved Rob and that He knew we all struggled, but if we would let Him, God would be there for us. She told Robbie that his parents loved him and that I loved him. Life wouldn't be the same without him. I remember it all... standing in our kitchen. All three of us crying. I think it helped Robbie to know that there is life after death, but that we are all meant to experience life while we are in it.

He knows it now. I know he does. Rob is in a place where he can feel God's love around him all the time. Sometimes I feel like Rob is with me. The tears still fall because I miss him and wish I could have seen the amazing father and husband I know he would have become. But I know we will meet again. When we do, he'll probably be playing a Car's song like "Since You've Been Gone or Just What I Needed".

And just like my mom told him so many years ago... Life hasn't been the same without him.

"There are some people who use change to promote their careers.

And then there are those who use their careers to promote change." Sarah Palin

another sleepless night

It's another one of those sleepless nights where I toss and turn, debating if I have enough night hours left to take an Ambien. I believe strongly in the power of better living through pharmaceuticals. Anyone with fibromyalgia would tell you they'd rather pop a pill than stand one more freaking moment of this pain. Sometimes my husband teases me and says I'm a drug addict. I'm not. It just looks like I am with all the pills I have to take. There are some, like my fibro pills and my migraine pills that I couldn't live without. I've learned how to function with the meds. At least I'm able to get to work almost every day. There are plenty of days when I want to curl up in a ball and cry, drowning myself in the tears of my own misery, but most days, I try to rise above it. I get through the day by pretending I'm not in some intensely incredible pain. I pretend I'm normal, like the person in the cube sitting on the other side of me. Honestly, right now, it is 2:00 in the morning. Most everyone I know is sound asleep. Recuperating from their long day, preparing the body for the next. I'm sitting here making things worse by not getting any sleep. I have to be up in 5 hours.

Ugh... where are those damn Serta sheep when you need them? Probably won't come here since we have a Select Comfort Sleep Number bed. I have to tell you that I absolutely HATE IT! Sure, it was great when we first got it a couple years ago, but I think it was the novelty of having a remote to control the comfort of your bed. I felt guilty because I could never find just the right number, like it is my fault. Now, my side of the bed doesn't hold the air at the setting I like so I'm constantly waking up to a sunken in air mattress that pushes on ALL my trigger points. I want a temperpedic!

Some brighter news perhaps... enough whining about me. Amanda returned to middle school today to start a new school year as a 7th grader. She grew about an inch and a half over the summer, which just makes her long lean body look even leaner. Amanda says that she has 3 "pretty okay, possibly funny" teachers. She hates that she has to take PE durning 5 period and then still have to go back and face kids for two more classes. Life and puberty can be cruel. We're just going to have to keep testing out new deodorants until we find the one that leaves her smelling rosy after PE. Mandy mentioned that she would like to be more studious this year so we will let her take some of the acting classes and run track like before. We'll see how that goes. I wish her the best! Lauren also started a new semester at Citrus with about 4 classes. She hasn't decided if she wants to play water polo this year, as it conflicts with having a sense of financial freedom through employment. Breanna has signed up for two classes at PCC, and Rich is looking in to taking another on-line class. I'm the only one not in school for the first time in a long time. Just a little over a year ago, I finished my BS in Business - eBusiness.

I need sign up for a masters program, But I get so discouraged when I recall the intense pain I felt because of my fibro, working full time, taking 4-5 classes at a time , and struggling with a serious lack of sleep. My boss has been hitting me up lately about finishing grad school. I know I need to do it. I've just got to talk myself into it, trying desperately, though unconvincingly, to deceive my mind into thinking it won't be so bad again.

I think I'm starting to hallucinate a little... time to try sleep once more. hah. my hands keep trying to type words that are mumbled and jumbled in my mind. Hopefully sleep is near.

Send me you prayers and lullaby songs.

Signing out.... Sleepless Dreamer

Amanda Utah- Wyoming Trip 2008

Amanda loves to take pictures of herself using the mac laptop.
What would we do without photobooth to keep her entertained?

What are you thinking, my sweet stinkerbell

What runs through your complex little mind
You seem to be caught under a spell
What are the answers you're wishing to find

I hope that you see this one day my love
Do you know how beautiful I think you are
How I have been blessed from heaven above
You shine as bright as the northern star

You're the wind as it blows sweet whispers in my ear
You bring joy to my day and hope in the night
I want to begin and end each one with you near
Goodnight my cuddle-queen, goodnight

I love you billions and billions and billions

When the Dark Wakes Up

I had combed my hair and brushed my teeth
and said "Now I lay me down to sleep",
but my toes were to wiggly to go to sleep yet
so I asked my mommy if I could play with my jet.
She said, "In the morning, when the daylight comes,
you can play with your jet, your trucks, and your drums."
Then she pulled the covers way up to my chin
and said "Now close your eyes and let sweet dreams begin."
As soon as she left, I hopped to the floor
Only to find my mother's eyes staring back through my door.
She said, "Young man, get on back to your room
and do it quickly before you wake up the moon."
"If the dark wakes up," she whispered to me,
"he'll be much too tired to set the day free."
She bent in closely and kissed my head,
then helped me get settled back into bed.
I closed my eyes and fell asleep at last,
in hopes that the dark would fade away fast.
In the morning, when daylight came,
it called to me to come play a new game.
But I was too tired from staying up late.
This time the daylight would have to wait.
So I pulled the covers back up to my chin
and prayed the dark would come back again.

Written for Nick and Dan when they were 3 yrs. old
ka

Sleepless Dreamer

The night calls out and beacons me to play. Thoughts dancing wildly in my mind. I toss and turn until the gentle lull succeeds and I find myself here once again. Sitting, drinking a warm cup of tea in the silence of the evening hours. There is a peacefulness about this time of night. A stillness that is difficult to find during the day. I hear the songlike breathing in rooms around me. I wonder what images fuel their dreams. Will they remember in the morning? Will I still be awake when they arise? I hope not. Sometimes that is my fate though. To lay sleeplessly and dream about sleep.

Breathe - For Lauren

 

They say breathing should come naturally

Yet I find myself gasping for air

These walls closing in all around me

Sometimes I’m afraid I’ll disappear

I know my reality is not so desperate

Still… my heart finds trouble beating

My pulse yearns for the rhythm of our love song

But the chorus has become self-defeating

In an effort to keep you near to me

I pretend it is easy to just be your friend

My heart, it seems, does not like being deceived

And refuses to allow me to mend

My mind is quietly whispering

What my heart wishes not to hear

Somehow I must learn to breathe

Without you as my source for air

I pray that I’ll be strong enough

To move forward into a new day

To learn to exist with you as just my friend

Or find the courage to walk away

As I stand in the echoes of my emptiness

I know I am not left to walk alone

The struggle is hearing their voices above yours

And the love that keeps calling me home

I’ll put one foot in front of the other

Take one breath in for each breath out

Each effort rewarded by finding myself

And learning what I’m all about

When the walls start closing in again

And my heart takes a moment to grieve

I’ll reach out to those that love me

And keep finding a way to breathe

One breath in for each breath out

Yes… all I have to do is breathe

ka

It is up to you to create your own happy ending.  Don't wait for someone else to bring you flowers... plant your own garden and then stand firmly planted in that foundation.

Family is everything to me. My best friends are my daughters, my husband, my sister, and my close friends Godo, Minu, (Cece and Lara, who will always be a part of me) and Peggy. I have 3 sisters, but I am closest to my sister Kellie, who I fondly call Smelly. I have many nieces and nephews. Matt, Katie, Brian, Nick, Dan, Kayla, Jeff, Alicia, and Spencer. All of the kids are either in their teenage years or about to be, except Spencer. He is our youngest.

My sister Kellie is a Neonatal nurse, and is amazing at what she does. Katie and Brian are hers, but I like to think they are mine too. We live the closest to each other so it is easier for us to stay in touch. When Katie was a baby, she stayed with me when my sister and her husband had to work. She was with me so much that she gave me the nickname of "Mamma" and my daughter, her cousin, is "auntie" to her. I know it is strange, but we wouldn't have it any other way. Katie is quiet and sometimes reserved, but a great person. She has gorgeous blue eyes, inheriting the family blues. Brian is our sensitive soul. He looks for the best in people and goes out of his way to be kind to others. He is a beautiful example of how we should treat each other.

My sister Kim, the second oldest, has been soaring up the ladder in a police department in Lubbock, Texas. She is tough on the outside, but has a soft heart. Kayla, Alicia, Jeff, and Spencer are her babies. Kayla is a young mother of two little ones, Jeff, an old soul, is serving our country in the Marines out in the Middle East. Alicia, focused and delightful, just graduated from high school. Spencer, is 7 now and is a sweet as can be. As much as having a young little man to keep up with makes my sister feel older, Spencer keeps her young at heart too.

I am the third child in our clan. I have three girls: a yours, mine, and ours situation. Breanna is our oldest at 19 1/2 and is the 'yours' in our story. She has a great talent for writing and loves to read. She stands up for what she believes in and isn't afraid to voice her opinion. Lauren is six months younger than Breanna. At the age of 19, she is probably our most responsible child. She works hard to earn her independence with a full time job, college, and water polo commitments. She has a natural gift of being a great athlete. She is also a great dancer. Of course it is probably the dirty dancing they do at under age clubs - I don't want to picture it, but I know the girl has moves. Lauren is another sensitive child. She cares about others feelings and really pays attention to the little details. Don't ever call someone fat or overweight in front of her. She just one tolerate someone knocking someone else down. Amanda is our youngest and is the 'ours' that tied our family together. She has a wild sense of humor and is an amazing cuddle-queen. Mandy, as we often call her, loves animals, especially dogs, and clothes, shoes, and music. (sounds like the spitting image of her mom!) She may have a lot of my qualities, but she is still a daddy's girl. On the eve of turning 13, she prefers to go shopping or hang out with her friends, but mention a road trip with dad, and she is in the front seat ready to roll.

Kathy is my youngest sister. She has had her moments of being lost, but seems to have found her way back. She has three boys. The first one, Matt, was the first baby born and nudged her into adulthood at the age of 18. Matt has experienced a lot of adversity in his life, but has discovered his own path and has grown to be quite an impressive young man. He attends Auburn University and is a journalism major. He also inherited the blue eyes gene and a passion for writing. He is quiet and reflective, but enjoys life too. It is hard not to be proud of him. He has two identical twin brothers, Nick and Dan, that look up to him as a role model. Nick is the oldest twin, popping out just minutes before his brother. Full of confidence and self awareness, he is off on his way to college. Dan is another sensitive soul who has a passion for music. He has what I call a "screamer band" that my Mandy thinks is totally cool. Dan is still weighing his college options, but I have a feeling he will go anywhere the music takes him.

I proud of all my family members. We don't always see eye to eye, but we do always support each other when it seems the world is falling down around us.

"Going to church doesn't make a christian anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car."

The Girl Who Faded Away - a short fictional story by me

I didn’t know this girl we are writing about very well.  Well, actually, I went to school with her since preschool, but, I mean, I never really knew her.   Our English teacher, Mr. Segal, told us about her though; about how she slowly faded away.  Her name was Michelle Roberta Anderson.  Michelle was sixteen and went to Monrovia High School.  She wasn’t into brand names and designer jeans like all the other kids.  Instead, she always wore a red sweat jacket with holes in the elbows and blue jeans that didn’t get washed very often. When kids at school walked by her, she kept her eyes focused on the ground and prayed quietly to herself that they wouldn’t tease her again.  She told herself that if she prayed hard enough, one day she would just fade away and never have to face these kids again. 

Ever since Michelle was in Kindergarten, she was known as an outsider.  She was quite, shy, and kept to herself all of the time.  I mean, she must have been a total loner, because I would have noticed her… wouldn’t I have?  Why didn’t she even try to make friends?  Anyway, as she grew older, she seemed to distance herself more and more.  During class breaks and lunchtime, Michelle would sit by herself under the shade of an old oak tree, writing in a book, which must have been her journal.  She would write in that book for hours sometimes, pouring out her heart and soul, as if it were her only lifeline and her one true friend. 

Michelle must have gotten sick a lot, because she missed a lot of school.  Sometimes she wouldn’t come to school for days, but when she finally returned, she would be wearing that same red sweater and old blue jeans.  One of my friends said they heard she was just being rebellious against her parents.  That she was one of those rich kids that had everything, but she refused to wear the clothes her parents bought her.  I thought that was just crazy.  Could someone hate their parents so much that they would walk through life, day after day, wearing the same ugly clothes?

Sometime in the middle of our Junior year, Michelle started missing school more and more, until eventually, she stopped coming at all.  It took a while before anyone noticed.  Her teachers were encouraged by the school district to mark everyone in attendance so they would get the money for each student, so they never really took a real roll count.  So even though they should have noticed she wasn’t there, it didn’t seem to make a difference.  Michelle didn’t have any friends so there wasn’t anyone to report her absence.  Then, one day, the gardeners found a book under the old oak tree where Michelle used to spend her time.  That book was Michelle’s journal and in it were these words written over and over again.

Can’t you hear me screaming?

Don’t you see these tears that stain my face?

My body has been broken and bruised,

I’m so tired of the human race.

Will anyone notice if I loose this fight?

Does anyone hear these words I pray?

Can’t you hear me screaming?

Can’t you help keep me from fading away.

By the time that journal was found, it was too late.  Michelle’s tired and broken body was found in a make-shift forte, where she had been living under the freeway.  She was still wearing that red sweat shirt and those old blue jeans.  The outline of her body was spray-painted on the cold cement ground where she slept every night.  Sad thing is, after just a few short weeks, even that is slowly starting to fade away.

KA

Two 

of 

our 

girls 

gone 

retro

Did I mention I have insomnia about 3 nights out of the week? No... well that should explain all of my late night posts. At 41, I think I'm too young to have as many medical issues as I do, but that seems to be my life. Fibromyalgia, migraines, asthma, and insomnia are my top four. There seems to be a pill for everything these days. Not that I'm complaining. I couldn't function without my fibro meds. They numb the pain enough to move through the day. Sometimes I find myself faking that I'm okay, ignoring the aches and pains. Fibromyalgia is so hard for people who don't have it to understand. It isn't a visual condition, so people can't see that you're hurting. Inside, those that suffer from Fibromyalgia, feel like they have the flu. Only it's a 24 hour/365 days a year flu. The kind with body aches, soreness, lack of energy, and just feeling run down and exhausted all the time. There are many nights that I come home from work, knowing that I am blessed to at least be able to get UP and work, that I crash as soon as I get home. For me, the leg and hip pains are the worst, but I still feel it in my arms and back; actually, just about everywhere. I try to keep a positive attitude. I'm sure things could be worse. Just need to find the bright side and keep on moving.

If I Only Worked Part Time

I would spend my spare time looking at the world

through the eyes of my four-year-old daughter

and loving my family as a dog would love.

Through my daughters eyes,

 I would find visions of rainbows in jars of finger paint

and hunt for nuggets of gold from the sandbox

to help my family buy a house.

I would make masterpieces of play-dough

and stare with awe and wonder

as a seedling grows into bean sprout

I would be home to greet my family as a dog does,

Refreshed, lovingly, and unconditionally.

I would rush to meet them at the door with my tail wagging.

I would curl up with them when they are sad

and lick their faces when they need to laugh.

I would enjoy my life experiences, then apply them at work.

Reminding myself that when things aren't going my way,

I can make my happy ending out of cookie-dough when I get home.

Mandy K

This is my brown-eyed stinkerbell loving herself

A message for our youth... stand steadfast and unmovable

This is our dreamer, our writer, our reader, and our oldest daughter.  Her smile can brighten a room.

Honey Jar

Here is what I give to all my friends who are getting married, not because I'm cheap, but because I believe in symbolism. These items are to remind the reciever of what it would take to stay happily married. I call it a “Honey Jar” because it is filled with love and love truly makes the world a little sweeter. Over the years, I have my own “Honey” jar to which I have added each of these items. Each is symbolic to me and I hope it will be to you as well. Here is what they symbolize:

Film – Both of you should take pictures of the world around you. When you compare photos, instead of criticizing the other for wasting a shot on something you wouldn’t have taken, thank them for opening your eyes to a new way of thinking. These pictures will serve as a reminder that even though you may both be looking at the same thing, you will each have a different perspective and that is what makes life more interesting.

Tape Measure – Because you will both have different perspectives, the tape measure is there to remind you that sometimes you will have to compromise and meet half way.

Paper Clips – To remind you to stick together and support each other in your decisions.

Scissors and Glue – If you are doing something that may be hurtful to your mate, “Cut” it out. Remember, what you take apart you may need to put back together again.

Hi-lighters – To remind you to bring out the best in one another.

Tea Bags – Instead of reacting harshly to something that may bother you, go make some tea. In the time that it takes to steep a cup of tea, you can gather your thoughts and maybe even have a chance to see the other side of the story. Tea also reminds you to take a moment to unwind at the end of each day.

Band-Aids – To remind you to heal wounds while they are fresh. Saying “I’m sorry” is perhaps one of the greatest healer of wounds. Even if you are not the one who caused the hurt, letting your loved one know you care can be a great healer too.

Rubber-bands – To remind you to stay flexible. Both outside and inside forces have a way of taking their toll on relationships. We need to remember to bend and flex from time to time. Relationships are made of give and take.

35 Cents - To remind you to be courteous to one another. If you’re going to be late, call. Don’t make your other half worry needlessly.

Last, but not least, plenty of Hugs and Kisses – Because you should start and end each and every day with a hug, a kiss, and plenty of love.