I knew this day would come

For over a year now, I have waited for the moment when the phone would ring and on the other end would be the voice of my dear friend Cece.  I often wonder how she is doing and what she is doing.  I wonder if she feels the loneliness that I feel.

Sometimes I feel jealous of those around me that have taken a chance and have opened up their hearts so that close friends can enter.  I use the word friend with caution, as the meaning I do not take lightly.   I can easily count on one had the people that I have let get that close to me.  

Lara was the first - my best friend from about 9 years old until about 20 years old -  And then I moved away to start a new life.   I felt guilty for not taking Lara with me.  We swore we would always be together.  Our relationship faded because of me.  Because I chose to move on, and then, when she reached out to me, I didn't feel worthy of her friendship.  A bad first marriage left me scarred with thoughts that I wasn't pretty enough or skinny enough.  I know Lara would never judge me, but I judged myself for her.  I had gained weight.  I was embarrassed to have her see me, so I have kept her away.  I think about reaching out to her, but keep saying I need to lose 20 pounds first.  That is so STUPID.  I need to just pick up the phone already!

My husband Rich is another who I have let in to my heart.  He is my lover, my friend, and an amazing father, but that isn't the same as having a close girlfriend.   My friends Minu and Godo are my work friends, who I am close to.   We don't do things together outside of work, but I feel like I can tell them almost anything.  

Cece was the one true friend that I had, outside of work.  She moved to Colorado over a year ago with her husband and kids.  We stopped talking, I didn't really do it by choice, I just didn't know how to get a hold of her.   I felt like she needed me to respect that she needed some time.  I knew that one day she would call again.  Well... at least I hoped and prayed she would.  

Tonight, sitting around the table after having dinner with the missionaries serving in our ward, the phone rang.   Amanda answered it and then looked at me surprised and said, "It's Cece".  I thought my heart leapt from my chest.  As I stepped away to take what turned out to be a 2 1/2 hour call, I knew my prayers had been answered and my friend had been returned to me.  We have a lot of catching up to do... but it seems though time has not passed even a day.  I'm grateful and I'm blessed.