Jeff wanted to know if there was a message he could give to you. Your dad and i took turns sharing our thoughts with him. I gave Jeff the biggest hug I want him to give to you. It was long, full of love, and both of us were crying. I told him to tell you I love you and I miss you and I'm sorry if I didn't hear something you were trying to tell me. I asked him to give Aliah a hug from her mom, Camille, and her sister, Lauren too and to give a kiss to baby J'Lynn for Alicia and her grandma, your Aunt Kim. Of course we stayed with the Judd's while we were in Utah. It is evident that everyone thinks of you often. Nathan, Mandy, and I were having a conversation and by the end we were all tearing up a bit. Sometimes I have to really fight to hold back my tears and it is comforting when I'm with someone who is okay if a few teardrops fall. Most of the time I save my tears for my car rides to and from work though. It's like my safe zone. I have to tell you though, the makers of my "waterproof" eyeliner failed to consider the strength of a grieving mothers tears!
Camille and I have become friends and Facebook pen pals, bonded by similar circumstances. Her daughter Aliah left them at the age of fourteen, a little over a year ago. I know neither of you thought your actions through and never intended for your actions to be this final. I'm so sorry for the hurt and helplessness that you felt in that very moment that led you to such a desperate action. I get this feeling that you and Aliah have come together, just as we have been connected with her family. We are all bonded to each other now. We are family. It's nice to be able to share my feelings with someone who understands the loss I feel. The way the memories of that dreadful day can try and steal away the beautiful memories of a lifetime. Aliah's sister Lauren was so brave. One day she took a moment to reach out to me to share their story and from that very moment, I felt like you and Aliah were helping our paths intertwine. Lauren even reached out to your sister, Lauren and they were able to share things with each other that others might not understand. One day I went to the cemetery to sit with you and there were two birds that kept flying over my head. With each fly over they would let out a scream. I really felt like that was you and Aliah telling me you had found one another. I laughed out loud and said, "Are you trying to tell me you found each other?" and those darn birds came and screamed at me again. That really made me smile, because it almost sounded like one of those crazy noises you would make when you were being silly. Then Aliah's mom, Camille experienced a dream where she saw you two together. Camille just joined Facebook and she and I have become so close through just a few messages. I feel like I can tell her anything and we are able to lift each other up on those difficult days.
I know the Lord knows that we will have difficult days ahead, to say the very least, and he has placed people in our lives with your help who will support us in those times, just as we will be here to support them when they need someone to help carry them through. Amanda - your friends have become our family. There are days when our house seems so quiet without you here and one or two of them will randomly show up to do homework or just hang out. They fill our home with your memories and laughter. I know that they come here when they are feeling down to be comforted by your sweet spirit that remains, but I don't know if they realize how much we are comforted by their presence too.
We continue to spread your Choose the Right message through your pledge wall. Together, with the help of your friends, we have distributed almost 3000 wristbands. One of your friends was wearing your wristband on the bus and a man asked her what CTR meant. She explained it to him and he immediately went on to Facebook to learn more about it. As she explained it so eloquently, "It's like a trickle effect. One person wears a wristband and shares the message with someone else. That person is so moved that they vow to take the pledge as well. That means another life can be saved and everyone wearing a wristband is connected by your message and the pledge to live wisely and always choose the right. You are changing lives every day, even from beyond the veil. Thank you for helping us make these connections my love. I know that you and Aliah are watching over us. I am so very proud to be your mom. I love you stinkerbell.
- mama panda's mama
No comments:
Post a Comment