I Miss...

What I miss about you... 

I miss your chocolate brown eyeballs and your beautiful lips.   How your smile could make my heart skip a beat.

I miss going shopping with you for shoes and clothes and how if I said I was going to Target you always tagged along. I liked buying you things because you could make anything, no matter the price, new or used, look absolutely fabulous. Mostly though, I just liked having you by my side. 

I miss your sarcasm. Hearing you tell Lauren to put a bag over her face before leaving the house and all of your constant teasing. We all knew that every time you were saying something mean (in your teasing way) that you were really saying "I love you". 

I miss you walking through the house in your bra and panties, carefree and happy. Especially in your pretty pink sequined "party panties" that made you want to dance around the house. 

I miss your beautiful voice. You sang so lovely, even though you refused to sing at church we would get to hear you sing in the shower, in your room, and in the car. How I would love to hear you sing to me now,  or just say my name. 

I miss your random text messages asking for food, sending me pictures of the dogs, funny videos, asking for rides, and how you would send me that "mama!" text if I didn't answer your first text. 

I miss that ridiculous machine gun sound that you made when you slept. Man that noise drove us all nuts. 

I miss you taking pictures of yourself - ALL the time! You wanted to model and loved photography.

You loved making goofy faces and dressing like a dork when you were in your playful mood.  

I miss making food for you and your friends. Smiley face fries, quesadilla's, and empanadas were some of your favorite after school snacks. Sophie says you guys used to climb on the garbage can, then the wall, and on to the roof of the garage so you could eat them up their in the sun. 

I miss fighting for bathroom space in the morning. You were such a counter hog! No matter how big of a floor-mat I got you still stood firm in the middle making me keep one foot on the cold floor. 

I miss driving you to school everyday. It drove me nuts that you were ALWAYS late, but when I asked you why you couldn't be on time - ever- you said you liked walking in to first period late because everyone would say good-morning to you, even your teacher, and that just made you feel even more special. 

I miss your laughter. Oh how it made my heart happy to hear your laughter in the other room when you were hanging out with your friends or your sisters. You really were a happy person. You filled my life with joy and sunshine. 

I miss you telling me I needed to leave the house if you were going to clean so you could get in to your groove and blast your music. 

I miss the excitement that lit up your face when "Border Wars" or some other prison show would come on tv and how it drove you nuts that I loved reading books all the time. Two days before you left us you told me "Mom! Stop reading all these books! You're going to rot your brain cells. Now get in there and watch some tv!" 

I miss taking you to walk the Duarte trail - only to have you abandon me so you could run up and meet your boyfriend for a few minutes. 

I miss dropping you off and picking you up on Friday nights when you would meet up with your friends.

I miss being able to tell you how I loved the birthday party you threw for me four days before you left us. You planned it secretly with my friend and co-worker and it was wonderful! You gave me a memory I will never forget. 

I miss the constant radio channel wars we had in the car.  

I miss wrestling you to try and blow on your belly. Okay, maybe the blowing didn't really make you laugh but you did think my attempts were funny. For someone so tiny, you were so darn strong! 

I miss watching you do the Butt Bible workouts and how you made Zumba look like someone having seizures standing up. 

I miss having you call me or send me a Facebook message when you were in the other room because wanted something but you were too lazy to get up.  

I miss the phone calls when I was out of town to tell me you were hungry, even when your dad was at home in the backyard. 

I miss making lunches for you and putting them in brown lunch sacks because you said it made you feel loved. Even though I knew you were stealing a line from a book we both read, it always made me want to make lunch for you. I also miss how you would say food always taste better when I made it for you, even though I know food, in general, taste better when you don't have to make it yourself. 

I miss cuddle time. Having you climb in my lap or lay across me so I could scratch your back.  

I miss taking you on driving lessons. You were so focused. You would have been a great driver. You worked so hard to bring your grades up so you could drive the BMW as your reward. Now your dad can't bear to part with it because it was going to be yours. We are still so proud of you. 

I miss hearing about the teachers that drove you nuts and why and having you present your fact of the day from Mr. Ho's class. School was not your favorite place to be, but you loved your friends and certain teachers. You were given Saturday school for being late countless times, but you would beg me not to make you go because you got more done with the second threat of in-school detention. 

I miss your obsession with your hair that refused to grow and all the special products you would try off the Internet to help it along. I even miss finding your hair extensions all over the house. 

I miss finding your clothes strewn all around the house. Our house is so clean now. I'd take the dirtiness all over again if it meant you were still with us.

I miss hearing about your road trip stories that you took with your dad, Dean, and the Judd's. I miss you teasing me about coming along with you because you didn't like that I needed to stop every four hours to pee when your bladder was made of iron. 

I miss how you sucked at school math but always seemed to know your numbers when it came to working for Nathan and Mandy during the summer babysitting and selling glow stuff at special events. 
I miss the confidence you showed when you taught me the ropes of selling all things that glow. 

I miss you telling your dad and I that we were disgusting for kissing each other in front of you. 

I miss being able to say your name without someone looking at me with sad, knowing eyes.

I miss the smell of your freshly washed hair.  It was one of the new shampoo and conditioners you found on Amazon to make your hair grow. I miss your smells so much I ordered a bottle just so I can smell you with me. 

I miss looking for you in your room in the morning to wake you up only to find you sleeping with Lauren in her room, tangled in some strange position. 

I miss seeing you carry your dog around the house and having you tell us that Spike needed to stay alive until you graduated from high school because you wanted him to be there. He's pretty upset that he doesn't get to go now!

I will miss watching you graduate from high school and college. Seeing you fall in love and get married. Watching you become a mother and your children, our grandchildren grow up.  I  will miss you every day my little Stinkerbell. You are my heart and my soul. You were and will always be the glue that bonds each member of our family together and keeps us connected to one another.  Most of all I think I will miss our daily hugs and how you always gave a little butt squeeze at the end.  

I just miss you. Every single thing about you. I love you Amanda Kellie Andrews. Always have. Always will.