During my summer break right before starting the 8th grade, I met this boy named Johnny at the roller skating rink. (That's right, I'm dating myself by mentioning those skates that have wheels in both the front and the back.) He took me to see a movie called "Roller Boogie". I was so infatuated with him and the guy in the movie, that I went back and saw this corny movie 4 more times. (I came from a small town and there wasn't a whole lot else to do) There was a song on the soundtrack called "Lord Is It Mine" by Supertramp which rang true to me.
My parents had just divorced and my dad, who was living overseas in Saudi Arabia for a hospital corporation, asked that we come live with him there for awhile. I was torn because I really missed my dad but I didn't want to leave my friends (or be covered in clothing from head to toe). Not wanting to hurt the feelings of either parent, I really struggled with making the right decision. Both parents had also remarried and to having a man in our house after being a house full of women for over a year required a lot of adjusting. Anyone who knows me that I like to live my life fairly drama free. Yes, there are always those days that drama can't help but seep in to my world, but I was pretty good at coping so it didn't effect me too much. Except for those times when it did affect me. Sometimes I would put the Supertramp cassette in to my sony walkman and head over to the park - where I would climb up a tree and hide from the world. Thank you Roger Hodgson. I found my place to be alone.
October 30, 2010
October 28, 2010
My Life Through Songs
My nephew Matt started a "Fifty Sunday's" blog where each Sunday he features an album that meant a lot to him and writes about what he was going through in his life during the time it became important. Because Matt and I are connected through our interests, demeanor, and blood, I am taking the liberty of stealing shamelessly the idea of his blog (he stole it too so it's kind of just like paying it forward) and start documenting my own favorite music. Matt and I share the same passion for music, but I'm pretty sure that being almost 20 years older than him will present music selections he has never heard of or may wonder what his awesome cool aunt was thinking. Matt... If you're reading this, I'm telling you - this stuff was golden in it's time :-)
Music and writing have alway been my release. If I was mad, frustrated, or happy, I would write a poem and slide it under my mom's bedroom door at night. Writing was just easier than using my voice. In fact, writing was my voice. I grew up in a house full of music. My dad had a band and our house was the designated place for jam sessions. We even had egg cartons stappled to our garage walls for insulation. As a kid, some of my favorite days ended with my dad's band singing "Good Night Ladies" or "The House at Pooh Corner" to send us off to bed. It's no wonder music became my other release. For me music is all about the words, the meaning, and the beat. Music can suit any mood. It uplifts me when my soul is weary and makes me happy, especially when the lyrics surprise me. While I l.isten to just about anything, I'm not in to songs that use swear words as verbs, adjectives, and nouns. However, a well placed cuss word can be extremely satisfying when used appropriately.
It's really hard to pick what goes up first and what order to put these in, so forgive me if they aren't in chronilogical order. This is going to be a great journey... Hope you enjoy taking the ride down memory lane with me.
I'm going to have to start this list off with a song by Jack's Mannequin called "Swim". This year... while as amazing as it has been to be in the role I am in at work, has come with many challenges. There are times when work, family, home, being adult (with bills to pay), and dealing with fibromyalgia can get to be a bit overwhelming. This song has helped me pull through the difficult times by reminding me of the reasons I do what I do and who I do it for. Occassionally, your going to get caught up in turbulent seas and the only thing you can so is just "swim".
SWIM by Jack's Mannequin
You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Depite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim
You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers and friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
Well I'm not giving in
I swim
You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim
Music and writing have alway been my release. If I was mad, frustrated, or happy, I would write a poem and slide it under my mom's bedroom door at night. Writing was just easier than using my voice. In fact, writing was my voice. I grew up in a house full of music. My dad had a band and our house was the designated place for jam sessions. We even had egg cartons stappled to our garage walls for insulation. As a kid, some of my favorite days ended with my dad's band singing "Good Night Ladies" or "The House at Pooh Corner" to send us off to bed. It's no wonder music became my other release. For me music is all about the words, the meaning, and the beat. Music can suit any mood. It uplifts me when my soul is weary and makes me happy, especially when the lyrics surprise me. While I l.isten to just about anything, I'm not in to songs that use swear words as verbs, adjectives, and nouns. However, a well placed cuss word can be extremely satisfying when used appropriately.
It's really hard to pick what goes up first and what order to put these in, so forgive me if they aren't in chronilogical order. This is going to be a great journey... Hope you enjoy taking the ride down memory lane with me.
I'm going to have to start this list off with a song by Jack's Mannequin called "Swim". This year... while as amazing as it has been to be in the role I am in at work, has come with many challenges. There are times when work, family, home, being adult (with bills to pay), and dealing with fibromyalgia can get to be a bit overwhelming. This song has helped me pull through the difficult times by reminding me of the reasons I do what I do and who I do it for. Occassionally, your going to get caught up in turbulent seas and the only thing you can so is just "swim".
SWIM by Jack's Mannequin
You've gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
And swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
A crack in the armor
I swim to brighter days
Depite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim
You gotta swim
Through nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers and friends
Yeah you've gotta swim
Through wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed as a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above
I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the dawn
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim for brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
Well I'm not giving in
I swim
You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's no shame in drifting
Feel the tide shifting and wait for the spark
Yeah you've gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim
October 27, 2010
What's Important to Me
We had a department off site lately where we talked about things that frustrate us, make us laugh, what we do for fun, what we love, and what is important to us. I think my posts over the past couple weeks showed what frustrates me, especially about work, so I thought I'd write about what is important to me this time. There are three things that top the list of what I believe to be important.
First, is my faith is my faith in the Lord, His son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost. I know that seems like three things right there, but I'm going to just put them all in the bucket of faith so I have room for the other top things. I may not be the best at reading my scriptures daily (or weekly for that matter) or remembering to get down on my knees, but I know with a certainty that the Lord has a plan for us, that Christ prepared a way for us to return unto His presence, and if I live worthily, I will always have the companion of the Holy Ghost to comfort and guide me throughout my life. I grew up in a household that was confusing, to say the least, in regards to how we interpreted the purpose and meaning of religion. The reasons I seem to remember my parents choosing our church was because my mom had cancer and the uncertainty of her fate caused a need to help us find a spiritual foundation, just in case. I also seem to recall a story about my dad going in to the church, seeing a lady in cut-off Levi shorts and then learning that they would welcome the thought of having his band play at church as being an influencing factor in his decision process. Nonetheless, a decision was made to send us to a Catholic school, catechism classes, and go to church on random holidays and when my dad's band played. I'm not sure I actually got a lot out of it, what kid/teenager ever does? Any way...We had a priest named Father John who used Winnie the Pooh and Frog & Toad references in his sermons and I always loved that part. I don't remember what the specific lessons were about, but the main concept that I took away was that the gospel plan is simple and we shouldn't try and complicate it. Frog and Toad would get frustrated or mad at each other over simple things because they failed to consider the other perspective, but they always made up in the end when they looked at the good in each other. I think there is a lot to be learned from these lessons. I encourage everyone to read the Tao of Pooh and Frog and Toad Together.
Second on my list of importance is my family. My husband and girls are my world. I can't believe how blessed I am to have been entrusted with these girls to raise. They make me laugh, cry, frustrated, happy, and scared. My husband is a great partner, lover, and father too. Don't get me wrong. Our family isn't perfect and we have definitely had our share of ups and downs and left and rights, but we love each other. There are plenty of days when I want to run away from my life or trade it in for someone else's (for at least a few hours anyway), however, there is also nothing like the feeling of coming home and walking in the door to be with people who love me. It kind of sucks that I use all of my good energy at work and my family gets what's left at the end of a long hard day, but they don't hold it against me, and I'm grateful for that. My family consists of more than those in my immediate household. My sisters, my niece's and nephews, my dad and step mom are also very important to me. My family, as dysfunctional as we are, is also my rock. Plain and simple, I know they have my back and I will always have theirs.
So... the last of my top three would have to be my inner strength. I went through a time in my life when I allowed someone else to take away my strength and my ability to believe in myself. As crazy as this sounds, I think it was that experience that helped me become even stronger because I had to build myself up and learn how to believe that I was beautiful and worthy of all things good. When I look in to the reflecting glass, I see someone who knows she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father who cherishes morals and who tries to find the positive in just about everything I do. When life weighs me down, I find a way to release the negativity, even if it means having an emotional meltdown. Then I pick myself up, dust myself off, and move on. No looking back. I take the lesson and throw away the pain. I focus on what lies ahead of me instead of what tried to hold me back. I've learned how to forgive. Both myself and others. There are times when I want to kick myself for allowing my life to spin out of control, but then I receive gentle reminders that we aren't meant to control everything. Some times, we have to just roll with the punches and let go. If we find a way to turn the challenges in to opportunities and recognize that God wants us to experience both the good and the bad so we can grow, everything else starts to fall in to place.
My list of what is important to me doesn't end with these three, but it is definitely where it begins. If you are reading this, you are most likely part of my family and I am grateful to have you in my life. Thanks for making my top three :-)
First, is my faith is my faith in the Lord, His son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost. I know that seems like three things right there, but I'm going to just put them all in the bucket of faith so I have room for the other top things. I may not be the best at reading my scriptures daily (or weekly for that matter) or remembering to get down on my knees, but I know with a certainty that the Lord has a plan for us, that Christ prepared a way for us to return unto His presence, and if I live worthily, I will always have the companion of the Holy Ghost to comfort and guide me throughout my life. I grew up in a household that was confusing, to say the least, in regards to how we interpreted the purpose and meaning of religion. The reasons I seem to remember my parents choosing our church was because my mom had cancer and the uncertainty of her fate caused a need to help us find a spiritual foundation, just in case. I also seem to recall a story about my dad going in to the church, seeing a lady in cut-off Levi shorts and then learning that they would welcome the thought of having his band play at church as being an influencing factor in his decision process. Nonetheless, a decision was made to send us to a Catholic school, catechism classes, and go to church on random holidays and when my dad's band played. I'm not sure I actually got a lot out of it, what kid/teenager ever does? Any way...We had a priest named Father John who used Winnie the Pooh and Frog & Toad references in his sermons and I always loved that part. I don't remember what the specific lessons were about, but the main concept that I took away was that the gospel plan is simple and we shouldn't try and complicate it. Frog and Toad would get frustrated or mad at each other over simple things because they failed to consider the other perspective, but they always made up in the end when they looked at the good in each other. I think there is a lot to be learned from these lessons. I encourage everyone to read the Tao of Pooh and Frog and Toad Together.
Second on my list of importance is my family. My husband and girls are my world. I can't believe how blessed I am to have been entrusted with these girls to raise. They make me laugh, cry, frustrated, happy, and scared. My husband is a great partner, lover, and father too. Don't get me wrong. Our family isn't perfect and we have definitely had our share of ups and downs and left and rights, but we love each other. There are plenty of days when I want to run away from my life or trade it in for someone else's (for at least a few hours anyway), however, there is also nothing like the feeling of coming home and walking in the door to be with people who love me. It kind of sucks that I use all of my good energy at work and my family gets what's left at the end of a long hard day, but they don't hold it against me, and I'm grateful for that. My family consists of more than those in my immediate household. My sisters, my niece's and nephews, my dad and step mom are also very important to me. My family, as dysfunctional as we are, is also my rock. Plain and simple, I know they have my back and I will always have theirs.
So... the last of my top three would have to be my inner strength. I went through a time in my life when I allowed someone else to take away my strength and my ability to believe in myself. As crazy as this sounds, I think it was that experience that helped me become even stronger because I had to build myself up and learn how to believe that I was beautiful and worthy of all things good. When I look in to the reflecting glass, I see someone who knows she is a daughter of our Heavenly Father who cherishes morals and who tries to find the positive in just about everything I do. When life weighs me down, I find a way to release the negativity, even if it means having an emotional meltdown. Then I pick myself up, dust myself off, and move on. No looking back. I take the lesson and throw away the pain. I focus on what lies ahead of me instead of what tried to hold me back. I've learned how to forgive. Both myself and others. There are times when I want to kick myself for allowing my life to spin out of control, but then I receive gentle reminders that we aren't meant to control everything. Some times, we have to just roll with the punches and let go. If we find a way to turn the challenges in to opportunities and recognize that God wants us to experience both the good and the bad so we can grow, everything else starts to fall in to place.
My list of what is important to me doesn't end with these three, but it is definitely where it begins. If you are reading this, you are most likely part of my family and I am grateful to have you in my life. Thanks for making my top three :-)
October 22, 2010
October 13, 2010
Abraham Lincoln said "Whatever you are, be the best you can be.". All I can say is I'm trying. I'm really trying. But it so hard to be your best when you are stretched, puLled, tugged, and yanked in twenty different directions. There's a point when you've taken on so much that work spills over in to your personal life and your personal life spills over to your work life. Eventually, you fail at something, whether you really failed or just believed you failed doesn't really matter because in your heart, you didn't give whatever you failed 100%. I need another me or another mini me to help me get back to 100% so I can feel like me again. Going in at 7:00am and leaving between 7:00 and 9:00pm still isn't enough work time to get caught up and I have nothing left to offer my family when I finally do get home. I won't give up though. I have a boss that believes in me and I know she has my back. I have a work team that continues to be high performers which allows me to focus on my to do list. I have a co-worker who makes me laugh my ass off every day. I have kids that give me hugs every night and a husband who understands when I just need a little shoe therapy. Last but not least, I have faith that the lord will not ask me down a path alone.
I'm feeling better just having written this down. Time to seal the deal with a bowl of cereal!
I'm feeling better just having written this down. Time to seal the deal with a bowl of cereal!
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