I received a letter from nana and I was actually thrilled to know she was still alive. Sounds pathetic and aweful that I wasn't sure, but I'm not sure my crazy aunt Berta would inform us if she passed on. Nana will be 98 this year and except for writing the same thing over 3 separate times, in the same letter, she is still hanging in there. This letter she spoke about breaking out of the home she is in and coming up to Los Angeles to stay with us "folk up here". Scary thing is, even though she is bedridden, I don't put it past her one bit. She is a fiesty young lady held captive inside an old woman's body. I would like to take a road trip to Oregon and visit with her before it's too late, but she has moved herself out to the backwoods of Oregon where no planes fly in to. I pretty sure she knows how much I love her, but that can't replace the loneliness she must feel being cooped up in an elderly home 24/7.
"In youth the days are short and the years are long; in old age the years are short and the days long." ~Nikita Ivanovich Panin
March 15, 2010
November 7, 2009
11-5-09
Friday was one of those amazing days where I spent the entire day racking my brain with strategy and processes; in a room with co-workes who help inspire forward thinking and change and at the end of the day, my body was tired, yet my mind and spirit were rejuevenated. wow... I actually get paid for this stuff.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."
“The past is our definition. we may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.”
"The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other."
"There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained."
"For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible."
“The past is our definition. we may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it.”
"The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other."
"There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained."
"For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible."
October 19, 2009
been a while
It's been a while since I've been on here. Today was my first official day in my new job, even though they started paying me for the new role two weeks ago. I'm soooo close to loosening the bonds of my previous job. I just need to keep hanging in.
So much to be grateful for... family, friends, work, health
I am so blessed.
So much to be grateful for... family, friends, work, health
I am so blessed.
April 11, 2009
February 6, 2009
February 5, 2009
The Nana Letters - January 29, 2009
Before I add this letter I have to admit how impressed I am by our Postal Service that I ever received it in the first place. Nana has obviously run out of the pre-stamped, self-addressed envelopes that I sent her last year. The envelope looks like it was gift wrapped in about 46 1 cent stamps and was almost completely sealed except for the area where she put my address. My address has NO zip code and a City named Montorvical - instead of Monrovia. My husband laughed when he saw and said it was time to resend nana some envelopes - sounds like she's had to much frosting in her morning frosted flakes. LOL Gotta love her! So the next letter which just arrived starts with me asking questions and her providing answers. I've started working on our geneology and want to get more of the storys behind our family lines. - KA
Q. I heard you used blue chip stamps to go to the world's fair with your sister. Can you tell me more about this adventure?
A. Yes, it was great. Gladys' husband only wanted one thing! To be left to play in his garden! Gladys was wonderful! We had saved up enough of our blue chip stamps to pay for the whole trip. We felt so strong and independent going off on our own. One of the greatest times I remember. We lived in an old house and only fruit we had was apricots and a few peaches that mother had canned. Gladys bought us some oranges. What a treat!
Q. Tell me about one of the sweetest moments of your life that you never want to forget
A. The day Jack and I went to Los Vegas and I won $100 and thought it was the most wonderful day! As we grew up on the farm, even a dime was a treasure. Mother and Dad eventually moved to town and went on welfare. They were so sonservative and always seem to have plenty. I think it was so embarrasing to Dad and he soon died.
Q. Tell me a little about Bob Cooper. I know he was your second husband after your first marriage to Donald Mosier quickly annulled. I don't feel like I knew him well because he died when I was young. Jack will always be my grandfather in my mind and heart.
A. Bob was stern! His name was actually John Thomas (after an uncle). He said he wwas in 7 different countries in World War 1. He is buried in the veterans cemetary in San Bruno, Ca. After he died, Bonnie, your mother, told me I couldn't just moyse around all the day, I had to do something. So I went back to college in my 70's. I think I was the oldest lady in those classes. That's when I met Jack and he thought I should learn to square dance and he'd be my partner. It took a long time to remember the calls so I was slow and ever square dance he'd say, "You've got to remember! You can do this!" Jack was such a good dancer; I was so afraid I'd loose him untilhe said "Let's go to Vegas!" He had a practically new car so we went and he surprised me by getting a marriage liscense and we got married. He had his own barber shop. Eventually he let the lease give out and he went to work near Sunnyside for Lucille's husband, Ralph, who had a barber shop. Shortly after we were married a doctor told him he had cancer in his stomach. The Dr. said Jack probably wouldn't live til the end of the year. We heard of someone who got better after he took Laetrill, a drug bought in mexico for treating cancer and tumors. So we drove to Mexico and got $400 worth of latrill(came from Germany) First he had to have shots and since we couldn't stay in Mexio, they taught me and I gave him a shot 3 x's daily in his vein. I was scared beyound reason, but I did it. After about 8 or 10 days he only had to take pills. He was so much better, and did well for years, but eventually, he said his legs just wouldn't hold him up anymore. We were both getting small amounts of social security be he eventually ran out of pills and he just quit. It was a big worry to go to Mexico. Always afraind at the border. We always hid the medicine in our clothes when coming home. He lived to 81 years and at that time, it was a good age, 20 years longer than the other doctor had predicted.
Q. I know you think of Jack often. What is the one thing you would want to do with Jack if you could be presented to him once again?
A. Just let him hold me
Q. You know, watching the two of you get dressed up to go dancing was always fun for me. You both looked so stunning in your square dance outfits. I remember that Kathy and I even got to go with you to a Square Dance. I loved watching Jack gently lead and guid you through each step. He seemed so gentle and looked at you so very lovingly. There was a sense of security that I found within your home, your arms, and your love.
Jack always had a way of making us feel special; taking us out to the shooting range to teach us how to load, hold, and fire a gun. After we would finish shooting, he would have us go around the range gathering up the gun shells, then, when we got back to the house he would show us how to repack the bullets. Jack bought me my first car, and then he showed me how to change the oil and how to put batteries cables that came disconnected back on again. I didn't get it then, but as a parent it makes sense. He wanted to make sure I would know what to do if a boy tried to trick me into a make-session because the car wouldn't start.
Did you know that whenever we would go into Jack's barber shop to see him, he would grin, smack us with a rolled up newspaper and then give us a can of toffee peanuts sold by the YMCA. Inside the can, he would hide a silver dollar or another rare coin. The peanuts were great, but the surprise was even better. What a sweet treat! You and Jack were always there for us to demonstrate love, charity, service, and compassion on a daily basis to those in need. Thank you for that.
A. I didnt know he did the thing with the peanuts. He loved you girls like his own. I miss him so.
Q. Are you still trying to sneak out of the board and care house to get your own place. You know, I think you might be better off just staying were you are. At least you won't have to worry about social services harrassing you.
A. I live in a board and care home. Have a room by myself and they make all the meals. I want to get my own apt again, but the 3 inches of snow is discouraging. The buses are running again. I'll write if I move. Now I'm 96 and expected to go over 100. Fern, my sister, was 14 days over 100. She just lost all ambition or desire. Her son took care of her. Roberta took me to her funeral. Roberta is so good to me. She works but somehow managers to see me about 1/week.
Well, thanks for your paper. I had leonard's old typewriter and I used it for important paper, but Roberta came down and cleaned out my place when I fell and she took me to her house for awhile. So I just plain lost a lot of stuff. Another, Oh Well!!! I watch these dog sleds in Alaska on TV and they are wonderful. You have to pay extra to get CNN up here. When we paid our rent here last month, we had to pay $10 extra for TV. Another oh well!!! So live goes on!! Thanksf ort he letter - so great of you! Tell all the family hello and I love them too.
Q. I heard you used blue chip stamps to go to the world's fair with your sister. Can you tell me more about this adventure?
A. Yes, it was great. Gladys' husband only wanted one thing! To be left to play in his garden! Gladys was wonderful! We had saved up enough of our blue chip stamps to pay for the whole trip. We felt so strong and independent going off on our own. One of the greatest times I remember. We lived in an old house and only fruit we had was apricots and a few peaches that mother had canned. Gladys bought us some oranges. What a treat!
Q. Tell me about one of the sweetest moments of your life that you never want to forget
A. The day Jack and I went to Los Vegas and I won $100 and thought it was the most wonderful day! As we grew up on the farm, even a dime was a treasure. Mother and Dad eventually moved to town and went on welfare. They were so sonservative and always seem to have plenty. I think it was so embarrasing to Dad and he soon died.
Q. Tell me a little about Bob Cooper. I know he was your second husband after your first marriage to Donald Mosier quickly annulled. I don't feel like I knew him well because he died when I was young. Jack will always be my grandfather in my mind and heart.
A. Bob was stern! His name was actually John Thomas (after an uncle). He said he wwas in 7 different countries in World War 1. He is buried in the veterans cemetary in San Bruno, Ca. After he died, Bonnie, your mother, told me I couldn't just moyse around all the day, I had to do something. So I went back to college in my 70's. I think I was the oldest lady in those classes. That's when I met Jack and he thought I should learn to square dance and he'd be my partner. It took a long time to remember the calls so I was slow and ever square dance he'd say, "You've got to remember! You can do this!" Jack was such a good dancer; I was so afraid I'd loose him untilhe said "Let's go to Vegas!" He had a practically new car so we went and he surprised me by getting a marriage liscense and we got married. He had his own barber shop. Eventually he let the lease give out and he went to work near Sunnyside for Lucille's husband, Ralph, who had a barber shop. Shortly after we were married a doctor told him he had cancer in his stomach. The Dr. said Jack probably wouldn't live til the end of the year. We heard of someone who got better after he took Laetrill, a drug bought in mexico for treating cancer and tumors. So we drove to Mexico and got $400 worth of latrill(came from Germany) First he had to have shots and since we couldn't stay in Mexio, they taught me and I gave him a shot 3 x's daily in his vein. I was scared beyound reason, but I did it. After about 8 or 10 days he only had to take pills. He was so much better, and did well for years, but eventually, he said his legs just wouldn't hold him up anymore. We were both getting small amounts of social security be he eventually ran out of pills and he just quit. It was a big worry to go to Mexico. Always afraind at the border. We always hid the medicine in our clothes when coming home. He lived to 81 years and at that time, it was a good age, 20 years longer than the other doctor had predicted.
Q. I know you think of Jack often. What is the one thing you would want to do with Jack if you could be presented to him once again?
A. Just let him hold me
Q. You know, watching the two of you get dressed up to go dancing was always fun for me. You both looked so stunning in your square dance outfits. I remember that Kathy and I even got to go with you to a Square Dance. I loved watching Jack gently lead and guid you through each step. He seemed so gentle and looked at you so very lovingly. There was a sense of security that I found within your home, your arms, and your love.
Jack always had a way of making us feel special; taking us out to the shooting range to teach us how to load, hold, and fire a gun. After we would finish shooting, he would have us go around the range gathering up the gun shells, then, when we got back to the house he would show us how to repack the bullets. Jack bought me my first car, and then he showed me how to change the oil and how to put batteries cables that came disconnected back on again. I didn't get it then, but as a parent it makes sense. He wanted to make sure I would know what to do if a boy tried to trick me into a make-session because the car wouldn't start.
Did you know that whenever we would go into Jack's barber shop to see him, he would grin, smack us with a rolled up newspaper and then give us a can of toffee peanuts sold by the YMCA. Inside the can, he would hide a silver dollar or another rare coin. The peanuts were great, but the surprise was even better. What a sweet treat! You and Jack were always there for us to demonstrate love, charity, service, and compassion on a daily basis to those in need. Thank you for that.
A. I didnt know he did the thing with the peanuts. He loved you girls like his own. I miss him so.
Q. Are you still trying to sneak out of the board and care house to get your own place. You know, I think you might be better off just staying were you are. At least you won't have to worry about social services harrassing you.
A. I live in a board and care home. Have a room by myself and they make all the meals. I want to get my own apt again, but the 3 inches of snow is discouraging. The buses are running again. I'll write if I move. Now I'm 96 and expected to go over 100. Fern, my sister, was 14 days over 100. She just lost all ambition or desire. Her son took care of her. Roberta took me to her funeral. Roberta is so good to me. She works but somehow managers to see me about 1/week.
Well, thanks for your paper. I had leonard's old typewriter and I used it for important paper, but Roberta came down and cleaned out my place when I fell and she took me to her house for awhile. So I just plain lost a lot of stuff. Another, Oh Well!!! I watch these dog sleds in Alaska on TV and they are wonderful. You have to pay extra to get CNN up here. When we paid our rent here last month, we had to pay $10 extra for TV. Another oh well!!! So live goes on!! Thanksf ort he letter - so great of you! Tell all the family hello and I love them too.
Lovingly,
Nana
Nana
December 26, 2008
Quotes from an amazing spiritual book I just read called "The Shack"
"Sadness is a wall between two gardens" - Kahlil Gibran
"God is a Verb" - Buckminster Fuller
"You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world, but a world lives in you." - Frederick Buechner
"An infinite God can give all of Himself to each of His children. He does not distribute Himself that each may have a part, but to each one He gives all of Himself as fully as if there were no others." - A. W. Tozer
"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading." - Oswald Chambers
"Earth has no sorrow that Heaven can not heal." - Author unknown
December 21, 2008
The Nana Letters - Foreward
My Grandmother has been my pen pal for quite some time. Our letters are changing though, changing as she has changed. I know it can be hard to look past the person Nana is now; Forgetful, bitter, depressed, lonely, and sad. But I know that's not who she is. She would have never chosen the life she lives at the age of 96. If she had her way, she would have been square dancing with Jack, the grandfather I knew. She really LOVED Jack and Jack really loved her. He had a grumpy teasing way about him. He loved to fart and then blame it on my nana or smack us with his newspaper as he walked by. Jack died over 20yrs ago. When he left, a piece of her heart went with him. That's when the CHANGE started.
Nana lived with a couple gentlemen after Jack's passing, and married one named Leonard (who she met by placing an add in a newspaper). He was a nice man, but he couldn't dance because it hurt his legs. His legs were eventually amputated and after a short time, Leonard passed away. This is when we started noticing the CHANGE even more. The tantrums, the confusion, the depression, the case of the nasties, these had all become part of the change. The change that took the sweet, feisty spirit of my grandmother and chased it away for good.
The dementia was and still is, the worst part. She doesn't remember the good stuff anymore and is often redundant in her letters, but every now and then, when I'm lucky, a moment of clarity strikes and she is like the nana we knew when we were young.
So... I was thinking that this would be a nice place to share some of her letters. YES... some of them are going to sound crazy and look like I can't type, but it is just because I want to keep the integrity of the letters as I received them, and I have to admit that she is a little "crazy" these days. But these letters are still part of our history. I will post them here to share. I'm going to write it just like she did - and she loves to right in her nursing shorthand. (Good thing I work with Dr.'s and nurses) So if it doesn't sound right, think of what I thought the first time I read them. I think the tone and content of her letters is dependent greatly upon the time of day she writes. Night hours are when the dementia is worse. She has a wonderful recollection of what happened 85 yrs ago, but could hide her own Easter eggs today and never find them. Sometimes she writes very happy letters describing her world that has gotten smaller. Cherish those. Sometimes she speaks mean and bitter things. Ignore those. That is not the woman we know that helped raise us as kids. For my sisters, my mother, my dad, my cousins, and anyone who reads this blog, my nana was, and still is, one of the most amazing women I have ever met. She has outlived 5 husbands, one I didn't even know about until about 5 years ago. She helped us become the independent people we are and in this afterlife, when her mind and body is perfected, I believe she will be there, with Jack, preparing the way for us, just as she has in this life.
The letters will be out of order, because I have kept them in different places and she doesn't like to date her letters. Some are postmarked, some are not, so bare with me. I will try and add a sidenote on ones that could use a little explanation. If you want to add a letter, you can email me at ldsklandrews@yahoo.com or mail it to me (email me for my address) and I'll post it here for all our family to share.
my eyes are red and tired
stuck in a body that is achy
and a mind that is wired
wishing my dreams would take me
my nightly routine would be so lonely
had I not this world that listens in silence
there are pieces of my history
on this electronic wall
a journal of my soul you could say
in the stillness of the night
this blog beckons me to play
sleep is gone for the moment
about to bring in a new day
December 19, 2008
The Nana Letters - April 2008
Dear Kristie,
Maybe you have heard already thru your mother "Bonnie" that I have a new address. you can pass the word along to Kel and Nick.
I now live with Roberta wherever she is. I fell @ my apt. and they passed a kid thru the window to open my locked door. Then to hospital to find no breaks so they called Roberta or said they'd put me in and adult foster home. Roberta presently works in Reno, Nevada 4 day work week so have room there and their home in Burns 3 da. I have my own old room here but Dave has a daughter that visits and then she gets it. Oh Well... so write me. o.k.?
Nana
SIDENOTE: My grandmother moved to a little town next to Burns Oregon about 3-4 years ago. She wanted to be close to my Crazy Aunt Berta - who is a traveling nurse and nana was convinced that my sister Kellie had stolen her car and was trying to steal her money from her bank account. When nana first moved to Oregon, she lived with Crazy Berta and Berta's husband Dave. Since Berta was out of the state for long periods of time, my nana thought that the neighbors would be suspicious that she (93 years old then) and Berta's husband Dave (in his 60's) were fooling around. She didn't want them to get the wrong idea, so she moved in to her own apartment, where she lived alone. One day, she fell in the bathroom, landing between the toilet and the shower. She managed to pull herself out to her bedroom, where she spent 3 days on the floor, unable to get up or call for help, locked inside her apartment. When the manager noticed that she hadn't been picking up her mail, he went to check on her. Lord only knows why he didn't have a spare key - guess he didn't need one since he had a kid he could throw through the window! After spending some time in the hospital for a bruised hip and a possible stroke, Social Services was called in and told her she could NOT live on her own anymore. She moved back in with Berta for a couple weeks and then found a private elderly boarding care home where she has been ever since.
My sister never stole my grandmothers car. In fact, I'm the one who spent 6 hours one Saturday afternoon during her 92nd year convincing her that it was time to give up her car keys. She has gout, which besides the pain, also causes her right foot to go numb. She also had a bad habit of disappearing on us for days at a time. One time, while she was living in San Diego, she went to the bank to get some money and never came home again. My aunt Oma's daughter called and said she was missing. We called the police and my sister Kim in Texas who's in the police department. They had to put out an APB on her. We found my grandmother 3 days later, taking a nap at a rest stop on her way to Oregon. (she was going to give Roberta her car and some money) Independence is a hard thing to give up and she didn't go down without a fight. When she finally surrendered her keys to me, I drove the car over to my sisters house before nana could change her mind. I'll explain the bank account stuff in another post.
SIDENOTE: My grandmother moved to a little town next to Burns Oregon about 3-4 years ago. She wanted to be close to my Crazy Aunt Berta - who is a traveling nurse and nana was convinced that my sister Kellie had stolen her car and was trying to steal her money from her bank account. When nana first moved to Oregon, she lived with Crazy Berta and Berta's husband Dave. Since Berta was out of the state for long periods of time, my nana thought that the neighbors would be suspicious that she (93 years old then) and Berta's husband Dave (in his 60's) were fooling around. She didn't want them to get the wrong idea, so she moved in to her own apartment, where she lived alone. One day, she fell in the bathroom, landing between the toilet and the shower. She managed to pull herself out to her bedroom, where she spent 3 days on the floor, unable to get up or call for help, locked inside her apartment. When the manager noticed that she hadn't been picking up her mail, he went to check on her. Lord only knows why he didn't have a spare key - guess he didn't need one since he had a kid he could throw through the window! After spending some time in the hospital for a bruised hip and a possible stroke, Social Services was called in and told her she could NOT live on her own anymore. She moved back in with Berta for a couple weeks and then found a private elderly boarding care home where she has been ever since.
My sister never stole my grandmothers car. In fact, I'm the one who spent 6 hours one Saturday afternoon during her 92nd year convincing her that it was time to give up her car keys. She has gout, which besides the pain, also causes her right foot to go numb. She also had a bad habit of disappearing on us for days at a time. One time, while she was living in San Diego, she went to the bank to get some money and never came home again. My aunt Oma's daughter called and said she was missing. We called the police and my sister Kim in Texas who's in the police department. They had to put out an APB on her. We found my grandmother 3 days later, taking a nap at a rest stop on her way to Oregon. (she was going to give Roberta her car and some money) Independence is a hard thing to give up and she didn't go down without a fight. When she finally surrendered her keys to me, I drove the car over to my sisters house before nana could change her mind. I'll explain the bank account stuff in another post.
December 18, 2008
The Nana Letters - undated
Dear Kristen
Did you have a good trip to Utah? I imagine there is as much snow there as here now. I think it will be 3 weeks before it is gone. Needless to say, I don't go out much.
The manager here keeps the walkways pretty clean, but I don't go out much, anyway. Go to the senior center for lunch on Wed. and Fri. and usually shop for groceries also. I miss my car very much but when I took my calif license in to get an oregon one they said I was too old. So Kiddo! Let that be a lesson! Don't get old!!!!
I love the paper you sent me. Thank you!!! I have decided to just send these bank statements of Amanda and Breanna. Lauren doesn't get one because she was included in a trust.
When I sent Kellie for her kids, she said she couldn't cash them and seemed pretty upset so I sent her one of my regular checks, but I had one just like this in my name and sent it to the bank and they accepted it and later I got it in the mail as withdrawn. You see, in 1999, I had a trust made and it says 20% of what I have at death goes to each daughter and 10% to each grandchild, which gives 0 to the great grands so I decided to set aside a small amount for them. You, no doubt make our a deposit check now and then. With that, I don't think there will be any trouble. Anyway, I think you and your husband can figure it out. Just say, it's from a 95 yr old grandma and they'll understand.
Anyway! Good luck! Just say, it is another work out for yours and your husbands brains. Ha! Ha!
SIDENOTE: My grandmother had sent my sister a deposit slip from her checkbook - not a check - and told my sister to just use that to get the money from her US Bank account to my sisters Bank of American account. Nana thought my sister just didn't know what she was doing. Kellie wasn't upset, just frustrated trying to get nana to understand how the bank system works.
SIDENOTE: My grandmother had sent my sister a deposit slip from her checkbook - not a check - and told my sister to just use that to get the money from her US Bank account to my sisters Bank of American account. Nana thought my sister just didn't know what she was doing. Kellie wasn't upset, just frustrated trying to get nana to understand how the bank system works.
Nana Letters 12-18-2008
Dear Kristen,
It was so nice to get your letter! I wondered how you squeezed in the time. I am very well on my 96th year. I have missed Jack so much. No more dancing. Leonard just had BIG feet and had spent so long in the army, they eventually cut off both legs, but the army now sends me his remittance and with social security, I never spend it all. I'm just a very lucky person. It was so nice to talk to Kellie. I am so happy to have my independence. Yes the foster home makes good meals. Not too many sweets though.
Bearing Best Wishes For A Holiday Season
Filled With Peace and Joy
Are the girls in college close enough to still live at home? How old is Amalia (Amanda) now? I know your home must be lovely after all your husbands work. You were lucky to catch someone so crafty.
No, my ankles don't hurt. But I don't have to shop for groceries and can always find somewhere different to wear every day.
So write again. I swear to answer. The lady here put up the Christmas tree today. It is all lit up now. and yesterday she put boughs above the doorways. Roberta had me out for Thanksgiving and I assume will also on Christmas. So the lady arranges her day differently. They are good friends. Roberta is working in Nebraska again. She is 54 now and will be content to stay home someday. They always have good cars and no doubt lots of payments.
Love to all the family, Nana
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